


Love You Like That

by Medicine_heals



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Ronan Lynch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26601685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medicine_heals/pseuds/Medicine_heals
Summary: High School AU. Reimagined version without magic and other fantasy elements.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 27
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

The first time Ronan Lynch saw Adam Parrish it was in the halls of Aglionby Academy, school of the entitled. It was after summer break. Actually it was three days after school had officially commenced and Gansey finally convinced him to attend it. 

Richard Campbell Gansey III, his best friend of three years had made a deal with him. He'd convinced Declan Lynch, Ronan's brother to let him move in with Gansey to Monmouth, a building Gansey lived in, if Ronan promised to finish high school.

He'd take school over living with Declan any day, and Gansey knew that. Gansey III was not above manipulation and Declan was not above persuasion.

Niall and Aurora Lynch, Ronan's parents had died in a car accident just five months ago. He was still grieving and Declan who shared prominent features with Niall had taken to throwing disappointed looks his way. His expressions looked so much like dad's, Ronan felt a stab every time. When Declan's eyebrows furrowed and his lips became a thing line, it is like a wake up call to Ronan's fist, he just has to punch his brother in the face. It was out of Ronan's control.

Matthew, their younger brother who looked a lot like Aurora looked at him with open adoration that Ronan was forced to act okay around him. Matthew had moved on to a certain level. Matthew's emotions were always changing, camouflaging to suit the emotions of others around him. Ronan's anger and sorrow, he could tell was dampening Matthew's mood.

It had all been suffocating him, the expectations of his brothers, the grief of losing his parents and memories that cloak every inch of their house. When Gansey had suggested he move in with him, Ronan had jumped right into it, as a man dying of thirst would at the promise of water. 

He had promised Matthew that he'd see him as much as he could. Declan, he would avoid as much as he could. 

They already had to meet up at the church every Sunday as it is. If Ronan had to see his asshole brother and tolerate his silent judgement and listen to his scathing words more than once a week, he'd gouge his own eyeballs out and stab both of his ears. 

Declan only agreed to Gansey after Ronan promised to sit in therapy at least twice a month. Ronan made sure he went exactly twice a month, even though the therapist strongly suggested more sessions. 

Ronan looked straight ahead as he walked. Gansey beside him looked to him every so often to make sure he was listening. Aglionby was bustling with activity, students getting to classes across the courtyard and different buildings.

Gansey was talking to him about the documentary on dead kings he'd been watching that fine August morning. Ronan was already regretting giving into him. 

“--say. I found it lacking of evidence. It was a remarkable documentary but it would have been better if it had included factual evidence connecting the monarchs of that age. Especially when--” Gansey was going on and on about all the things that could make a documentary of nearly three hours, into five hours.

But fortunately all Ronan has to do was be present, he doesn't even have to nod or hum in agreement, Gansey would talk himself to death. He had missed Gansey during summer and he didn't have the heart to shut him up when clearly Gansey was excited to have him at school. Well, that's one person, Ronan thought, he had seen people staring at his shaved with disdain and many sneer at him as they pass by. 

The months following his parents death had been ineffable. And Ronan may or may not have been a total asshole to many of his fellow pupils. He isn't going to be apologising, that defeats the purpose.

Gansey nudged him as they rounded a corner of the Whelch building and walked the long hallway to get to their next class, Ronan silently cursed this school for being unnecessarily huge. It was a pain to get to classes. Gansey has moved on to criticize the narrator and how he had pronounced the names wrong when Ronan saw him.

_ Adam Parrish _ .

Well, at first he referred to Adam as  _ WW1 photograph  _ in his head because of his fine boned face and the ancient look in his eyes. Then he had thought his name was  _ Aaron _ . 

Adam walked down the longest hallway in the history of long hallways, which Ronan was suddenly thankful for. Adam's uniform was ironed and donned neatly, his sweater had clearly been worn too many times slightly stretched at the hem, his dirty blonde hair combed to a side perfectly, one hand in his pocket and one carrying a couple books, he walked--no, that's not the word.  _ Stride _ ? Well stode forward with confidence, head high. 

Ronan watched him as if in slow motion, it wasn't slow at all, he was just trying to process every detail as quickly as possible.

It would have been perfect if Tad fucking Caruthers hadn't tried to jump on Adam's back from behind. Adam didn't even look back, he neatly side stepped so Tad comically crashed head first into a student and onto the floor. Adam didn't look back then either but his lips quirked slightly, Ronan managed to catch that as Adam passed them by, not sparing him and Gansey a glance. 

He stopped and stared after him until Adam rounded the corner they had come from. He came awake from his brief stupor when Gansey nudged him again. Ronan shut his mouth, turned away and started walking again. He also " _ accidently" _ kicked Tad on the way past him which earned him a muttered “dick” from the brat.

Gansey looked at him questioningly but Ronan wasn't going to tell him he had had a holy moment a few seconds ago so he said, “How would you have pronounced it?” Which earned him a blinding smile that made Ronan wince.

Ronan had never seen Adam around school the year before so he guessed Adam was new to this school.

The same day he found he found out they had a couple classes together. Latin and English. Latin he also shared the class with Gansey. Gansey took AP English. 

Latin was held in Borden House, a building separate from the Whelch Hall, the main school building and old as the language taught there. The class was one of the last ones of the day and naturally Ronan wasn't in the best of moods. He had taken one last look, longingly at the blue sky and freedom before following Gansey in, floor boards creaking loudly echoing their steps. 

Adam was seated in the second row, middle and two rows in front of Ronan and Gansey's usual seat. 

Ronan had been distracted by him enough that day he had forgotten to be angry. He and Gansey took their seats. Ronan ignored the imploring look sent his way by the teacher. Ronan wasn't wearing his tie and his shirt was untucked. Eventually the teacher moved on without comment and started the class.

While the class took notes, scribbling in tiny letters the meaning of words in the margins, Ronan held the pencil from the middle and drew a perfect circle in his notebook. Then a perfect square. A rectangle. A triangle. All that he allowed himself to draw. 

He was slouching in his seat, making his posture disrespectful as possible without breaking school decorum. Gansey threw annoyed glances at him, he knew better than to say anything when this was his last period. 

As he doodled he also watched Adam. He struggled with Latin and some dangerous part of Ronan wondered if he should offer his help. He was better than decent at Latin and was confident enough to tutor, but he snuffed the idea as soon as it started to form.

Tad was seated beside Adam and he was blatantly staring and smirking at him. If Tad had thought being a douchebag would win him any favors he couldn't have been more wrong. 

The only time Adam turned so Ronan had been able see at least half of his face had been at the end of the class when Tad said, “This class must be very humbling to you,  _ Aaron _ .” Adam turned towards Tad briefly, threw a cool look at him, unbothered. Then he stood up and walked out without responding. 

Ronan glanced at Gansey, who was pulling at his lower lip gently, to see if he witnessed what had transpired just now. Gansey was as oblivious as they come in good days, today hasn't been the best for him, the row team coach had demanded more of his time to the sport and none of Gansey's persuasion had worked. 

Ronan shook his head and gathered his things, throwing an annoyed look at both Gansey and his creepy Latin teacher.

_ Aaron.  _ Ronan thought. Now he had a name. Little did he know Tad was just being an asshole. So Ronan went a month thinking Adam was  _ Aaron _ and barely paid attention to Gansey talking about Adam who was the new scholarship student. 

Ronan caught glimpses of Adam everywhere after that first day and it was always a welcome distraction. Adam caught him looking once at lunch and Ronan scowled so hard, sharp and dangerous Adam had looked away quickly. So yeah, Ronan fucked up what might have been the first time Adam had looked at him. It was either scowl or blush, and to Ronan there only ever had been one option. 

Ronan attended school for two whole weeks without a break and it was taking a toll on him. He went street racing to blow off some steam.

Joseph Kavinsky was an asshole who went to Aglionby, owned a white Maserati Evo and had an asshole looking face. He was also Ronan's only challenge at street racing so he put up with his existence. He has a way of going out of his way to give reasons for Ronan to want to kill him and that particular day had been because he smashed Ronan's headlights after losing in the race the night before.

They had gotten into a fight right after he had won, in his defense, later to his brother, Kavinsky had thrown the first punch with his twig looking hands and Ronan had been forced to “defend” himself. 

Declan had found the car damaged and insisted he come along with him to the shop to get it fixed. If Declan hadn't forced to take Ronan with him to Boyd's auto shop, he would have drove to Kavinsky's house to punch that bastard in his rat face again.

So he wasn't in the best of moods when they had arrived at the shop. His luck would have it that Adam worked at Boyd's and he came up to them with Boyd to survey the damage. Ronan was surprised and didn't manage to mask it quickly. Adam's second look at Ronan was of his bruised face and mouth slightly agape. 

Adam was wearing overalls and his fingers smeared with grease. Adam kept glancing at him, like he expected Ronan to say something. But all Ronan did was put his disinterest mask on and let Declan do the talking. 

“You can come pick up the car in a couple of days. Fifteenth okay for you?” Adam asked, voice smooth and southern accent hidden there somewhere. 

“Sure,” Declan had agreed and it had grated at Ronan's already abused nerves to let him do all the talking but he had been too angry at Kavinsky to care.

“You're paying for it,” Declan said.

“Yeah yeah, asshole. I got it,” Ronan spat and paid the advance amount.

Adam still had a blank face so Ronan had said, “Take care of her. She transports precious cargo.”

Ronan mood had improved largely when a corner Adam's lips curved up.

It had been enough to tolerate a car ride back with Declan to Monmouth. Even with all the lecture his brother had spewed about questionable acquaintances and illegal racing. Declan was pushing it by the time they reached Gansey's when he said dad would have been disappointed so Ronan gave him the finger and left. What he wanted to do was punch his face but he'd been strangely scarce at his childhood house as Ronan slowly moved his things from there to Monmouth and Ronan did not want to push his luck.

Adam hadn't been there when he went to pick the BMW up two days later. 

And even after a month has passed, Ronan thought of Adam as Aaron. If Ronan spoke to anyone besides Gansey at school he would have found out sooner. As it is he only tolerated Gansey, and Gansey never spoke about Aaron, but occasionally he did of someone named Adam who he had a stimulating conversation with the other day. He had asked if Ronan spoke to him --“The fuck would I speak to him for?”--Gansey had left it alone from then. 

Now he was sitting with Gansey and Noah Czerny at a booth at Nino's, a pizza place they liked to hang out at. Ronan had fully moved in with Gansey and Noah a week ago. Noah wasn't Ronan's friend but the nosy bastard was soon becoming one. Noah was five years older than them and had just finished college. He had moved in with Gansey a while before summer so Gansey had the adult supervision his parents demanded. Gansey thought it was economically smart to invest on a property, thus purchasing Monmouth, an old manufacturing factory, than renting out a place.

Gansey and Noah had hit it right off because they had similar interests. They both watched long documentaries and didn't get the urge to pull their hair out. Noah was an avid reader and read anything Gansey gave him so they could discuss them in depth. Ronan read for pleasure, Gansey and Noah read for knowledge, but they swear the history texts give them pleasure too but Ronan wasn't convinced. 

Noah was an interior designer, he was an intern somewhere that required him to wake up early which he made sure everyone knew he hated. He was into woodwork and crafts and didn't mind loud music so Ronan found himself hanging out with him more, though he gave Noah grief about having highschoolers as his only friends. 

Nino's was like any other diner but the decor was pretentious and expensive and all their loyal patrons were  _ Ravens _ . Aglionby students were referred to as Raven Boys by the people in Henrietta perfidiously. Many sports cars that none of these asshole knew how to drive were parked in the restaurant parking lot. It was enough reason for him to hate the place but they served good pizza and their ice tea was phenomenal so he looked past it.

If Nino's delivered to their doorstep Ronan would never step foot in this establishment. Ever. 

That is of course until he found out Adam worked here as well. 

He went out to “get some air”, the real reason was because he didn't want to be around when Gansey spoke to Declan. The older Lynch had been calling his phone non-stop and Ronan had been happy to ignore the vibration but Gansey had offered to answer it. His funeral, he didn't care he left him to it.

If he was a smoker he'd be “out for a smoke” but he wasn't so, he walked to the back of the restaurant. He kicked an empty can imagining Declan's face, it flew across and hit the back exit door of the restaurant. It was warmer in the back, he noticed the exhaust fan blowing warm air out.

Just as he was about to kick another can the exit door opened and out came  _ Aaron _ . 

He wore an apron over Nino's blue uniform and large pink gloves that covered both his arms. Ronan was too shocked to move or say anything, he was the last person Ronan was expecting.

“Hey,” Aaron said.

Ronan didn't reply.

Aaron narrowed his eyes, it was bright enough he can see his face clearly.

“You knocked?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Ronan said curtly.

Aaron eyed the empty can by his feet and Ronan's leg that had been at an angle, ready to kick. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Gansey.

“Hey Ro--Hey Adam!” 

Ronan whipped his head around to look at Gansey approaching.

“What are you doing here?” Gansey asked looking between him and  _ Adam _ . Ronan was still reeling in shock by Adam's presence, Gansey's presence and a new revelation that Aaron was actually  _ Adam _ .

“Getting some air,” Ronan answered to Gansey.

“Work,” Adam said. 

They both turned to look at each other.

“How grand, I didn't expect to find you here. This is Ronan.”

“Latin?” Adam asked.

Again Ronan didn't answer. Gansey said, “Yes. That's him.”

“Hey,” Adam nodded at him. It was such a boyish expression Ronan's heart raced. Ronan could feel the heat creeping up his neck, he prayed the darkening sky worked in his favor. 

“Hey,” he nodded back, not nearly as cool as him.

Someone called out Adam's name from the inside.

“Coming!” He hollered.

To them he said, “I gotta go, see you in school, Gansey. Ronan.” He nodded at them both before disappearing inside. 

“Sure, Adam,” Gansey said to the retreating figure.

Ronan still couldn't believe Aaron was Adam, he was going to push Tad off the stairs when opportunity presented itself.

“Adam?” Ronan asked.

“That's Adam, the guy I've been talking about.”

“Oh.”

“You didn't know it was him I was talking about? What the hell Ronan?”

_ What the hell _ , indeed.

Ronan shrugged and walked past Gansey to enter Nino's again, Gansey followed. He was thinking about all the times Gansey shared things about Adam that his brain lazily stored somewhere.

Scholarship student. Advanced Placement classes. Honor roll. Brilliant. Stimulating conversation. Coming over this Saturday. 

Wait, coming over  _ this _ Saturday? 

“He's the one that's coming over to Monmouth this Saturday?” He asked after they sat down.

“You seriously didn't know who Adam was? He's in our Latin class! And everytime I told you about him who did you think I was talking about?” Gansey asked a little upset.

“I wasn't listening.”

Noah laughed from across the booth. 

Ronan wasn't going to admit he thought Adam was an Aaron for the longest period.

“Well, he's coming over this weekend,” Gansey said.

“Why?” Ronan asked faking disinterest. He took a piece of pizza and stared eating from the crust.

“To hang out? He offered to show me how to fix the Camaro and I wanted to show him my relic collection,” Gansey said excited.

So Gansey knew Adam knew how to fix cars. Apparently he knew how to work in restaurant kitchen too. And he was interested in Gansey's articles procured dumpster diving in his youth. 

Gansey took off his thin wire frame glasses and rubbed his eyes. “So.. Declan--” he started.

“No.” Ronan said firmly.

Gansey sighed. 

They ate.

“Noah, you can't stuff the whole thing in your mouth! Stop it you'll choke!” Gansey scolded him.

Noah tried to smile with his mouth still full and a chewed chunk of pizza fell out. It was fucking gross.

A waitress walked past them blatantly showing her displeasure at his display of grossery. It was the girl Gansey had a crush on. 

Gansey looked embarrassed and didn't let them order any iced tea.

That night Ronan looked at the calendar and realized it was Thursday, and Saturday was approaching fast.

Ronan had planned to stare at Adam from afar for the rest of the school year and eventually graduate and forget about him. Now Gansey had invited Adam into their lives and Ronan had agreed to it without thinking twice. 

He did not know what to expect. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Contray to what everyone thought Ronan had accepted his parents’ death and was moving on, in his own way. He never would have moved out of their house if his parents memories still had a hold on him.

He had stopped drinking excessively, even though sleep rarely came without it. He took Matthew to their mother’s favorite restaurant a few times. Sat with his brothers at every Sunday Mass. Taken interest in a certain boy in school. Hiked with Gansey and accompanied him in his treasure hunts. Even translated some Latin texts for his historian friend. He was moving on, slower than Declan, who had taken the role of head of the family as soon as their parents were buried, but he was moving on nonetheless.

He had visited their grave once and had spent some time telling them about his day and complained about Dec. He had cried a little and felt infinitely better later. The therapist did her job and listened to Ronan, she was very patient so he had finally opened up. She gives ridiculous “homeworks” too, most of which he ignores. This week it had been to tell Declan that him saying their parents would be disappointed in Ronan anytime he didn't get his way he was going to punch his face bloody. Ronan still hadn't figured out how to yet but he knows Declan would say something to piss him off soon so he didn't worry about that. 

Matthew was going to move to the Aglionby dorms after Declan leaves for college next year. Matty was always positive and cheerful enough for both his older brothers’ stead. He needed loads of help in school because of his ADHD, and in-campus tutors helped him for extra credit and some cash. 

Ronan and Declan had gotten in a fair amount of fights defending Matty when some punk ass kid called him retarded. Matty had said it didn't bother him but Declan had said he'll be bothered for the both of them. He wasn't above threatening fourteen years old bullies. Ronan respected that.

His life at Monmouth had been going swimmingly until Gansey revealed that he invited Adam Parrish over. 

He initially decided to stay out driving until Adam left but he had already left unflattering impression the first two times, he hoped to redo it.

Everything in Ronan screamed no, he should just stay out of Adam's way and keep his crush to himself. Ronan never lies and acting is also a form of deception he tries to avoid as it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. 

Having no practice in lying or pretending would make it infinitely harder for him to act unbothered  _ and _ to keep his stupid infatuation under wraps.

Maybe he should hang out, and hopefully Adam's personality would be so repulsive and Ronan would be cured of his unwelcome interest. It has worked before.

Ronan has had crushes, he even had been a little infatuated with Gansey at first but his meddling nature and fatherly concern had soon chased it away. As they became closer and closer through the years he had realized how hilariously bizarre it would be to date Gansey. 

And that is why he decides to stick around when Adam shows up. None of his crushes stuck long in his heart enough for him to want to make a move. 

The boys he finds good looking are often straight or fucking annoying. He loathed everyone in Aglionby, he isn't sure if that hatred is borne out of his hate for the institution itself or at the obnoxious brats the school educated.

And when his parents had died, he had felt like he had lost all the love in the world. No one could ever love him as his parents had, now that they're gone, there's this crater in his heart where he used to keep all the love that his parents poured. It pulls at his heart strings as black holes usually do, sucking all that's in it's path in.

Ronan had to fight to keep himself from slipping away, as desperation and sorrow tried to swallow him whole. 

Gansey had been there for him to fall back on. His friend had kept him afloat. Dragged him to bed after he got drunk. Kept Declan away. Held him as he cried. Ronan sometimes hadn't been able to look Gansey in the eye fearing judgement. But he knew Gansey wouldn't judge him for being vulnerable, he actually respected it. Even now the bravado he put on seems false and forced sometimes. Gansey never calls him out on it.

Reminiscing the past hurt so bad, he was stronger than he had been that he can let it pass without destroying him. 

No one knew he way gay. He never got around to tell his parents although he suspected his mother knew. During dinner once she had kept going on and on about her support for same sex marriage like she wanted to make a point. Niall had shrugged his agreement. 

Declan had said, “You're Catholic, Mom.”

“So? Love is love, Declan. Don't discriminate,” she had chided him, then turned to Ronan and held his gaze a moment longer before asking him to pass the salt. 

He should have just told her, he kinda regrets it now. But he think he knows exactly how that would have gone so it doesn't bother him much. 

He imagined having a boyfriend would be nice. He used to obsess over it before his parents’ accident. It was as if it changed him, the way he perceived things were different now. Now his curiosity isn't as loud, it hums in the background quietly. It had started buzzing annoyingly a month ago when he'd seen Adam in that long ass hallway. 

That itself is a major progress if you asked him, as he had barely given shit about anything only a few months ago. When he had gotten in an accident racing, he had just sat in the car and watched his hands as he bled from his head. Thinking of how it could have easily been fatal like the collision that took his parents from him. He remembered thinking he would be okay with that.

Declan had called him suicidal. Gansey had said grief had made him reckless. Matthew begged him to never scare them like that again. 

Ronan had only wanted to forget to be sad for a while. It helped when he drives, he drives like he actually wanted to fly. If he was faster the despair won't be able to follow. If he was faster he'd disappear into nothing and by becoming nothing he could gain everything. 

That summer he had raced his parents’ ghosts. He had driven until Declan's disappointed face, eerily similar to Niall's disappeared. He had pressed hard on the accelerator, got pushed back against the seat forced by the momentum, he had thought he was flying.

Ronan and his car were one and the same and where one ended the other began. The rumble in his thighs matched his heart beat. Is that how Icarus had felt when he had flown too close to the sun?  _ Invincible _ . Dangerously aware of the nearness of death, he could be gone just like that. He hadn't been able to stop. 

He had driven until Matthew's face and Aurora's face blended into one as they both looked at him with unconditional love. Then he had driven faster until they blurred and then disappeared. 

Just as Icarus fell, Ronan had fallen too. He had taken a sharp turn, lost control and pressed the break hard. He had lurched, spun and spun, wheels burning and skidded to a stop. The car hit the side on a mile marker.

Blood became sweat and sweat became tears. His face had felt wet with all the things he tried to bury, they tore through him. 

Because he hadn't been wearing his seatbelt he had gotten thrown sideways and forward and knocked his head against the window a couple times. He cracked his arm bone that had hurt like a bitch and yet he hadn't immediately called for help. He recalled how in that moment, he had wanted to die. He couldn't explain the urge now, but then he had thought he should.

He had eventually passed out when adrenaline wore off. Someone found him like that and called for help. 

Ronan didn't want to die. He just wanted to go to sleep at night and dream of good times. He wanted to slip into unconsciousness and wake up rested. He wanted to do that without the help of pills that didn't let him dream. 

For what was Ronan Lynch without dream or wonder? A shell of a person he had been.

Ronan was a fighter, a knight deserving of his title. He had fought, he had learned to dream again. Oh how he dreamt of sunshine and rain, sorrow and joy intertwined together. He also dreamt of charred bodies and his parents’ cries. When he woke up gasping, he reminded himself they had died long before they burned. 

_____

It was Saturday morning, Gansey and Noah were cleaning their living space for the guest. Gansey had suggested he clean his room too, Ronan had just stared at him blankly and closed his eyes. His things were still in boxes and crates. It's not like he's going to invite Adam into  _ his  _ room. 

He wanted to know exactly when Adam would arrive so he can be prepared, he also didn't want Gansey to falsely assume he was in anyway interested.

He even had an outfit planned, something that looked good on him, not too good to set off any warning bells in Gansey or Noah's head. But not too normal like sweatpants either. Something subtle.

A dark vintage band T-shirt and jeans. Probably a pair of slides too, bare foot is not a good look, it is? 

_ Fucking shit _ who the fuck cares? Adam was a scholarship kid, most probably poor. He wore second hand uniform and drove a bike to school. He worked at a auto shop  _ and _ a restaurant. He isn't going to judge his attire. 

He put on some headphones to drown his thoughts by loud EDM music with minimal words. 

It was exactly six O'clock when Adam Parrish arrived at Monmouth. He heard the broken door Gansey refused to fix screech as it was opened. Ronan stepped outside his room and stood beside Noah. Noah raised and eyebrow at him, he ignored it. 

“--me later, we have time. Do you have to leave early?” Gansey was asking as they climbed the stairs.

“No, I have till ten,” Adam replied as he stepped over the final stair to survey their living space. His eyes widened as he took in the large living room/library/Gansey's bedroom. Yeah, it was a lot to take in.

Gansey liked to have all of his things in the same place. Two of the three bedrooms in the building were taken by Ronan and Noah. Noah snagged the biggest one to keep all his handcraft crap. 

They had mismatched furniture, strewn around the hall. All acquired when Gansey was on his occasional shopping spree.  _ It's stress-shopping, Ronan. It calms me.  _

A plush couch sat before a large TV no one watched, patterned rugs, vintage telephone that didn't work, an arm chair Gansey liked to nap in, a few lampshades, a large table took up far end of the room beside Gansey's bed, it was filled with papers, books and potted plants. Book shelves lines the walls, filled to the brim with books, knick knacks collected over the years of travels and more potted plants. 

_ “It's aesthetically pleasing”  _ Gansey had argued when Noah had complained about the decor and begged to redo everything. 

They have yet to put up curtains or some fucking blinds, one wall was made of large windows that let light in like nobody's business. He grimaced every time he was hungover and had taken to wearing sunglasses indoors.

He didn't mind them as much when Adam glowed around all the light like he was someone out of a fantasy book. 

“Wow,” Adam let out an impressed breath. Ronan silently let out a breath of his own too. 

“Want a tour?” Gansey asked.

“Sure,” Adam answered eagerly. 

“Oh where are my manners? Adam, this is Noah Czerny. Noah, Adam Parrish,” Gansey gestured towards Adam. 

Noah and Adam exchanged their greetings. 

“And you've met Ronan,” Gansey said.

Adam caught Ronan's eyes and nodded, Ronan lifted his chin in answer. Gansey frowned at him slightly.

“Noah is an interior designer. He's been a tenant here for six months. That's his room,” Gansey ponited towards a lavender door. 

"I did not design this dump. You should know that," Noah said apologetically. 

“That's Ronan's,” Gansey ponited at the dark door and Adam squinted at the speeding tickets Ronan had stuck there.

“This is mine,” Gansey stretched his arms wide and turned a full circle before coming to a stop to observe Adam's reaction.

Adam didn't mask his awe, he took in everything slowly. Gansey was delightfully pleased.

Adam was wearing a blue T-shirt, jeans and a pair faded red converse. He was lean, his face elegant and proud had a hungry look to it. Pale blue eyes passed over the framed maps with interest. His dark blonde hair shined gold in the setting light from the windows. 

Ronan stared.

Noah offered Adam a can of coke, Adam accepted. Noah handed Ronan one too and settled on the couch to watch in silence. Ronan sat on the arm chair and stretched legs out before opening the can. Adam turned at the sound and opened his can too, he took a swig while watching Ronan. Ronan narrowed his eyes. He couldn't help it, blame his nature. 

Adam didn't look fazed but looked away, he put the can tab inside his pocket, Ronan’s eyes followed his hand. 

Adam was hesitant at first but became more confident as he started to relax. It was hard to relax around an excited Gansey, and  _ Oh boy  _ is he excited right now as he jumped from maps to relics to pictures, explaining their origin and the stories behind them enthusiastically. 

Ronan and Noah added to the conversation here and there, Noah cracked a few jokes seemingly forgetting how weird it is for him to be hanging out with highschool kids. 

Adam smelled of gasoline as he passed Ronan by. He had to actively keep himself from breathing in deep. Gasoline reminded him of the thrill of racing, racing reminded him of Kavinsky and he soured a little at that thought. 

Gansey ordered Pizza and Adam looked uncomfortable when he was asked what topping he wanted. Adam said he should probably go, that he'd have dinner at home. Gansey insisted, Adam was a guest here and had to have dinner before he left. None of them knew how to cook. Well, Noah is a self proclaimed baker but they can't eat cake for dinner, can they?

Adam finally gave in but shot Ronan a look when he had groaned at his hesitance. Ronan was steadily making an enemy out of Parrish, he thought it was better than giving away he liked his stupid face.

Gansey led Adam to his table, made him sit on the chair and took the one beside him. He told him of his study of Whelsh skins, spanning centuries. 

When Pizza arrived, Noah handed them paper plates and left pizza boxes on the table for Adam and Gansey as he didn't seem to be willing to take a break to eat. Adam didn't look like he minded. 

Noah placed two more boxes on the tea table and called Ronan over to join him. 

“We ordered too much again,” Noah grimaced.

“I'm still growing, old man. I can eat.”

“Here I was hoping for leftovers,” Noah shook his head. 

Ronan sat sideways on the couch so he could observe Adam while also paying attention to Noah. Noah was telling him about a glitter panda that got delivered to his office that inspired his next project.

Ronan stole glances at Adam now and then. Adam was studying Gansey close like he wanted to understand his motives, what drove him and what his actions meant. His lips quirked when Gansey knocked over a plant on the table with all his flailing.

Ronan realized the look on Adam's face was fascination and sneered at them. Suddenly Noah was in his face, grinning. Ronan shoved his face off with greasy fingers. Noah settled back contently, as if he knew a secret no one was privy to. Ronan wanted to break something.

He took the box of pizza with the topping Noah preferred and retired to his room. 

Gansey later told him he made Parrish feel unwelcome when he had left like that and hadn't bothered to say goodbye. Ronan gestured at the headphones he was wearing that played no music. Gansey didn't know that so he threw his arms up and left, exasperated.

Declan texted his weekly reminder to attend Sunday Mass, like Ronan didn't know what Sunday meant. He pushed his phone away and sank into the bed. 

Today hadn't been so bad, not a complete waste of Saturday night.

He knew how Adam smelled and what he looked like out of the Aglionby uniform. He knew Adam looked at Monmouth with blatant jealous longing. He rarely smiled. Never once laughed, only politely chuckled at Noah's horrible puns. A furrow appeared between his eyebrows when he was paying attention to something intently. He chewed with his mouth closed and nibbled at his food like he wanted to make it to last. 

It was not enough to cull Ronan's interest in him or completely erase it. Ronan decided he needed more information. 

Once he learns more about Adam, he is sure to lose his little crush. 


	3. Chapter 3

By Adam's fourth visit Ronan had understood he was  _ making _ time for Gansey. Ronan gussed Adam had Fridays off or got off around six. Adam had showed up at six twice and left at nine, he rode his bike to Monmouth. Adam refused Gansey's offer to drive him home. 

Often times he only stayed for an hour or so, occasionally stayed longer. He showed Gansey the basics of fixing his ancient car. Gansey spoke of his travels and the book he was putting together about his research on Whelsh Monarch. Apparently a group of King’s delegates passed through West Virginia as well that Gansey seems keen on exploring. He found a fragment of a shield in the woods when he was on a hike and he hasn't shut up about it since. He's hopeful there's more hidden treasures he could uncover. 

Adam once asked if he wished to sell all the shit he's discovered, why he is so invested in his pursuits if there's little to gain.

“It's the mystery I like. The story behind my finds, not the article itself. But I guess I could sell them, though I find no reason to do so,” Gansey had replied. Adam had frowned at that. 

It was confirmation that Adam had no life or actual friends when he agreed accompany Gansey to some lake hunt. Adam had been strangely upset after witnessing Gansey buy a sonar, rent a boat and a truck all in the span of thirty minutes. He had left soon after that.

Ronan wasn't always present at these infamous visits, Noah filled him on everything without his prompting. 

They did not get to hangout at school much, Adam was in probably  _ all _ the AP classes, Gansey was in some too but said he didn't think Adam appreciated talking during class. Yeah, Ronan didn't think he would, being the model pupil and all. What a  _ nerd _ . 

But then scholarship kids studied like their lives depended on it because honestly it did. If students dropped below B grade Aglionby would warn the parents first, and if grades don't pick up they will throw you out. Ronan had gotten a fair amount of warnings, he suspects his father paid the school to keep him despite his lack of care. To scholarship kids it must be worse. 

Adam being at Monmouth became a regular thing, which is why Gansey was wringing his hands when he hadn't shown up in a while 

Adam had been avoiding them for days, even cancelled his plans with Gansey. He hadn't turned his head around once in Latin.

When they had gone to Nino's after school Gansey had asked the waitress at Nino's if she'd seen Adam.

“Tall guy, clever, easy on the eyes?” the waitress asked.

“Yes, precisely. That's him. I believe he works in the kitchens. Have you seen him?” Gansey had asked eagerly.

“Nope,” she had left without refilling their drinks.

Ronan had to reach over the booth to shut Gansey's open mouth. 

She clearly hated working there, looking at the patrons with scorn. Ronan wondered why in the fuck she bothered. 

Gansey, who couldn't take a hint to save his life phoned Boyd's to ask him over. He was worried, he said. Adam showed up at Monmouth with a yellowing bruise.

When Ronan and Gansey stared at the bruise by his temple, Adam said, “I didn't instigate the fight.”

Of course Adam Parrish would care what Dick Gansey thought of him first.

“Oh,” Gansey said frowning with concern, “Adam-”

Ronan interrupted him knowing Adam was bracing himself for a fight.

“Was it a left hook?” Ronan asked.

Adam looked at him with his practiced blank stare, his shoulders gave him away, they were tense.

“Did you at least hit back?” he tried again.

Adam timidly said, “No.”

Ronan was annoyed, it must have been a nasty punch. “Why the fuck not?”

“I don't don't condone violence.”

Ronan, who fought anything that crossed him scoffed, “Gold star for you.”

He walked away from Gansey and Adam muttering about high horse bullshit and model citizens.  _ Who fucking takes a punch and doesn't even retaliate? Scratch them at least? _

“Are you all right?” Gansey asked.

“Yes,” Adam replied tersely, inviting no other questions. Gansey for once in his life took the hint and kept his mouth shut. Ronan knew the dad in Gansey would discuss this in depth with him after Adam's gone. Ronan's bad mood worsened at that thought.

“I'm going out,” Ronan called over his shoulder stomping to the stairs.

“Ronan, can you pick us dinner? Noah is crashing at a co-worker's place.”

“You two love birds order something in. I have places to be, cars to race and people to punch,” Ronan shouted climbing down the stairs. He waited a beat for it, then he heard the ruckus.  _ So predictable. _

“Ronan. Ronan! Stop! You're not racing, you hear me? I swear-”

Ronan didn't hear the rest, he took off in his car as if he wanted to take the road with him. His car. His other half, that knew him, calmed him and freed him. 

He drove to think. He drove to clear his mind. He drove to to breathe. He drove to drive.

Ronan was not comfortable with Adam and Gansey's blooming friendship. Gansey hardly ever brought anyone to Monmouth, and never so often. Ronan knows this means Gansey had taken a liking to Adam that went beyond appeasing his initial curiosity. Gansey who found most of his peers vapid and immature was eager to listen to Adam's thoughts on things. 

Ronan had to admit he was smart, he often surprised Gansey by “thinking out of the box”. Adam hardly shared thoughts that everyone thought. He hides how pleased he was when Gansey compliments him on his insights.

If the answer was too easy, he waited for others to figure it out. It was too mediocre for Adam Parrish to bother with putting into words.

But he's learning that Gansey likes to hear his thoughts out loud out of someone else's mouth, obvious or not. And he hardly ever offer input without someone prompting.

Gansey and Ronan weren't so bad at thinking out of the box themselves, they just forgot to take the most obvious into consideration in their effort to be more clever. Like the time their microwave had started sparking and Gansey and Ronan stumbled over one another and put on rubber boots and oven mitts to unplug it, Adam just shut the main power off. They had felt comically stupid after. Adam being a marginally better person than he gave credit for, hadn't pointed it out.

A thing that grated on Ronan's nerves to no end was, Gansey, who had never cared about others opinion of him was hellbent on impressing Parrish. He liked Gansey to be exactly how he always was. The Gansey who was recklessly passionate when it came to his obsessions, the Gansey who would drive around with Ronan at night when they couldn't sleep. The Gansey who didn't work around a time frame. Now he worked around Adam's convenience, he postponed plans to fit Adam into them. He was cautious now and had taken to think “two steps ahead” without just diving in and dealing with the consequences. He was becoming boring.

So naturally Ronan took it out on Adam with his sly remarks and rude barbs. He didn't even bother with quick retorts Ronan knew Adam was capable of. What a fucking  _ bore _ .

Adam came around more often than Ronan liked. He liked seeing his stupid face but his fascination stops there. He had been right, Adam's personality wasn't so great. He was judgemental, haughty and was easily provoked. He became awfully pissy when it comes to money. He and Gansey fought a lot over things he found offensive. Gansey was upset most times because he genuinely didn't understand how the other three quarters of the world worked.

Reason for the economic collapse in Europe fuckever centuries ago? He knew about  _ that.  _ The present, not so much.

____

Several weeks since the first visit, Adam was at Monmouth doing his homework at Gansey's table. He had taken to doing that, he had said before here he used to do it at the library. Ronan wondered among school, work and Monmouth if Adam had anywhere else to go, if not place then time to do something else. Gansey said he hasn't been to Adam's place or knew where it was, but guesses it's in the trailer park. Noah thinks he's homeless. Ronan doesn't care.

Gansey was on his laptop. Noah was still at work and Ronan was lying on the couch, throwing a tennis ball up and catching it when it came hurtling down. 

“Adam, what's your shoe size?” Gansey asked. 

“What?” Adam looked away from his assignment long enough to ask, confusion coloring his words. 

“Your shoe size,” Gansey clarified.

“Why...do you want to know?” He asked frowning.

Ronan stretched his neck to observe Adam, his head on the armest of the couch. The ball hot his chest and he grunted.

“Your shoes are falling apart. I am buying myself a pair so I thought I could order you a pair too.”

Adam sat up straight, his figure tensed. “I am well aware my shoes are  _ falling apart _ . Why did you assume I need  _ you _ to buy me new ones?”

“I-” Gansey seemed to have realised he has said something wrong. He looked to Ronan for help, Ronan had none to offer.

“Think of it as an early Christmas present?” Gansey said uncertainly.

Adam scowled and opened his mouth to say something. Gansey beat him to it, “Look, it's just a pair of shoes. I wasn't insinuating you can't buy them yourself. God, Adam-”

“You buy all your friends shoes?” Adam asked still visibly angry. Adam turned to Ronan, “Does he buy you shoes?”

“No, mine are not in an abysmal state. Yours are. Like  _ seriously _ in need of replacement. And I happen to own more than  _ one _ ,” Ronan threw a glance at Adam's socked feet, “And I can actually afford my own.”

“Ronan!” Gansey said sharply.

Ronan continued nonchalantly, “Man, you sniff charity pretty well for a trailer trash. But I guess living off it all your life must have made you too aware of it. Well-”

Adam stood up abruptly. Ronan tensed, expecting a fight. Adam didn't have the look of someone who could throw a real punch but anger and humiliation was enough motivation for anyone to try their hand at it.

Adam just stood there seething, trying to steady breathing. He looked so raw with anger, his face twisted up and holding himself fiercely. His eyes glinted, a cruel edge in his lips so unlike the Adam who was always in control. Ronan swallowed. He looked astonishingly gorgeous. He almost thought his mean words were worth it if they could inspire such display of emotion.

Gansey tried to apologise, “Adam, I apologise for Ronan's crass word-”

“Don't apologise for him, Gansey. He isn't a  _ child _ , you just treat him like one. And don't try to buy me shit. I don't need your  _ charity,”  _ he uttered the word like it was a curse still smarting from Ronan's comment.

Ronan still lounged in the couch like he had no care in the world. Gansey set his laptop down. 

“You know what? Fuck both of you,” Adam started collecting his things . 

That's the first time Parrish has properly cursed and Gansey looked at loss at what to do. Ronan was disturbingly delighted.

Gansey tried again, “Adam,  _ I'm _ sorry. Okay? I wasn't thinking-”

“Don't,” Adam jabbed a finger at Gansey. Then he was gone. 

“Ronan! What the hell was that?” Gansey turned to Ronan.

“Don't, Dick. You started it.”

“I would have handled it. But you intentionally pissed him off.”

Ronan snorted, “Pissy is his default setting.  _ What _ ? That news to you? He's been an annoying prick from the beginning.”

“It's because you provoke him-”

“I've been perfectly fucking civil.”

“I thought you didn't lie, Ronan. He's been nothing but friendly to me. He has-”

“-a stick up his ass.”

“been polite and respectful. It's you who seems to have a problem with him. He barely even acknowledged you. He--wait, is that why you're mad? That he doesn't-”

Ronan sat up, “Oh shut up. I want nothing to do with him. It's you who seem to think he's the second coming of Jesus. Man, you have a crush on him the size of the moon that you think  _ he  _ hung.”

“I was making a new friend-”

“Why do you need a new friend? You have me. You have Noah. We come when you call, do what you say. We don't try to  _ change _ you. Did you notice how different you are now? Ever since Parrish-”

“So, what you're jealous?”

“Fuck you!,” Ronan stood. “I’m not  _ jealous _ . You're the one that's bending over backwards to please him. You spend all your time with him. You hang by his every word like it's gospel. You think he'll be your  _ friend _ ? Hah fat chance!”

“That sounds a lot like jealousy to me, Ronan,” Gansey said angrily, anger to Gansey is calm, collected and clinical emotion.

“You know what? Fuck you!” Ronan yelled before storming out.

Ronan angrily threw himself in the car and drove off. Pissed that Gansey was  _ fucking _ right. He  _ was _ jealous. 

Ronan has nothing anymore. No parents. No home. No real family. Gansey was supposed to be  _ his _ . He isn't ready to share yet. 

He caught Adam riding his bike in the side of the road. He pressed the gas hard and whizzed past Adam and his stupid bike that refused to stand. He clamped down the urge to check the rearview mirror and took a sharp turn.

___

Miracles don't happen often and when it does happen the world holds its breath expecting it to cease as soon as it takes place.

That Monday was a day of such wonder when Ronan Lynch got dressed for school on his own violation. Gansey stopped to stare, a spoonful of cereal mid air. Noah froze at the doorway, pinched himself and pinched himself again. Then retreated slowly as if a single wrong movement would disturb whatever is transpiring.

Noah Czerny, whose usual wake up call was Gansey trying to rouse Ronan and him cursing Gansey's entire clan of ancestors to hell and back, was understandably spooked by the scene he witnessed. 

Richard Cambell Gansey III, who worries about his receding hairline at the tender age of seventeen due to the stress of getting Ronan agree to come to school, stared dumbfounded. 

“The fuck what. Fuck the what. What the fuck?” Ronan asked carelessly as poured milk into a bowl and then cereal and started shoving spoons full inside his mouth, standing. 

“My eyes are deceiving me.”

Ronan finished his meal and gulped down a glass of orange juice,“Not my problem. Let's go.” 

He grabbed his bag on his way down.

“Is it safe to come out yet?” he heard Noah's voice filter through his door.

Ronan muttered about drama queens as Gansey joined him down the stairs. He looked jubilant as he opened the door. They both slid into the Pig. 

“Where to?” Gansey asked because it needed to be asked.

“Shut up, Gansey.”

“No, seriously-”

“The school. That's where, shithead. And not a word,” Ronan warned. 

“Yes, of course,” Gansey said curtly, but he was smiling.

Ronan had the weekend to think over what he said to Adam Parrish last Friday. In retrospect he understands he was awfully rude to him and his piercing words were uncalled for. It's been eating at him, unwelcome and aggravating at the back of his mind. 

And Gansey had been moping all weekend and hadn't spoken to him much because his new BFF threw a fit over something dumb and refused to answer his calls. 

So, Ronan decided he'd go to school to see what Adam was up to. He wants to see Adam's reaction to them, would he be livid with anger or indifference. Indifference would kill Gansey, he knows that much. 

He honestly didn't understand Adam's deal with money. Sure, he's poor but  _ he's _ the  _ only _ one who seems to be calling attention to that fact and getting all pissy when people pay attention.

If Adam doesn't get over it soon and make up with Gansey sooner then good riddance. He won't ever fit with them with that attitude.

Ronan's not apologising but he'll be there when Gansey makes a fool out of himself so it must count as something.

Adam ignored them the entire time. He walked past Gansey like he doesn't know him. It made Ronan's blood boil out of loyalty to his longest friend. Gansey stared after him like a kicked puppy.

Gansey is understandably crushed. Even the elation he had felt when Ronan came to school without putting up a fight drained by the end of school.

Gansey planned to corner Adam at the parking lot by his bike but even after fifteen whole minutes Adam didn't show up. Ronan lost patience.

“Dick! Let's go.”

Gansey looked forlornly at the school entrance.

“Dick!”

“Okay, okay,” he sighed.

Gansey didn't want to return home so soon. They drove to the Barns. 

Declan's car wasn't in the driveway, Ronan's mood improved. But upon entering he found Declan in the kitchen with Matthew. He felt a sharp tug of jealousy at them hanging out together without him, he pushed it away.

“Ronan!” Matthew exclaimed.

“Ronan.” Declan stated, “and Gansey.”

“Hey,” Gansey said in greeting as he went to the fridge.

“There's food in the microwave,” Declan said.

“Oh yeah, thanks I'm starving.”

Ronan gestured Matthew to follow him upstairs and ran up to his room. 

The Barns was what a farmhouse would look if the owners were wealthy as fuck. Both Aurora and Niall Lynch were, leaving all their wealth to three of their sons at their death. 

Ronan and Matt would inherit their share when they turn eighteen. Dad had left Declan in charge of the will. Ronan hated it.

Their house at the Barns with its mismatched furniture and sentimental clutter was more charming than Gansey's mansion and it's crystal chandeliers and careful decor. The house was surrounded by other barns, chicken coops, stables, elaborate gardens and green grassland. It took one's breath away to see it at it's splendor.

Declan shut down their parents’ side business, sold the animals and stopped the supply. Ronan would hate his brother forever for doing that despite him pleading otherwise.

The Barns was his favorite place in the world, his home, his castle and his kingdom where he was the caregiver king.

Now the shed, the coop, the barn were devoid of the farm animals Ronan himself had named and cared for. 

Declan had insisted they sell the house too and move to DC but Ronan threatened he'd sue him if he tried that. As soon as Ronan turned eighteen he's buying Declan's part of the property and banning him from entering. 

Ronan's room in the house was meaningfully messy, meaning he knew where exactly everything was shoved in. Under the bed, in the closet and over table and every other surface.

Matthew came in a few minutes later.

“Where is Dec's car?” he asked his brother.

“Oh it broke down yesterday when he was driving me back from school. Man, he tried calling you like a hundred times but you didn't answer. I told him to call Gansey but he had already called the tow truck.

“And we drove with the truck guy with ginger moustache to this autoshop place, probably was called Benny or something. Dec was cursing you the entire-”

“Okay, that's all I needed to know.”

“Why didn't you answer? He spent ages in the shop then we had to call Ashley to come pick us up. You can lend him your car and drive with Gansey, no?”

“Fuck no! He's not getting my car. And who is  _ Ashley _ ?”

Matthew tugged the curls by his ear, they were golded and springy. His mom used to make him grow out his hair and style them in different ways. Now his little brother has cut it short, still the stubborn curls sprang up.

“Ashley is Declan's girlfriend. Very pretty, very smart and makes really good lasagna. She stays over sometimes. Dec smiles a lot at her, it's weird,” Matthew said.

“He brought her  _ here _ ?” Ronan asked annoyed.

Matthew grinned, “Yeah, her really tall shoes got stuck in the mud and she sprained her ankle the last time so we just hangout at restaurants.”

Ronan snorted, then frowned. “Don't get attached, she won't last long.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Matthew said sadly, “I really liked Phoebe too but Declan said she was too clingy. And Sam, that's my tennis buddy, you should meet him, well anyway he says I'm clingy too, but that he didn't mind it. His parents are separated so he's always moody or mopey. Do you think Declan will leave me too?” He asked worried.

“The fuck? No he won't. He loves you.”

Matthew hummed, already distracted, “Oh yeah, okay. Hey can I have that boat? Jerome has this large swimming pool I'd like to see if it floats. Headmaster has a large collection of you ships displayed in his office, did you know? Mad  _ awesome _ ! With canons and everything. So can I have it?”

Ronan never one to say no to Matthew said, “Yeah you can have the damn boat.”

Matthew grabbed it and made for the door. “Thanks! And hey, come say hi to Berta before you,” Matthew called out from the stairs.

Bertha was Matthew's goat. The one animal Declan allowed to keep because like Ronan, Declan couldn't say no to Matthew either. 

He doesn't remember Declan dating anyone named Phoebe. He couldn't possibly keep track of all of Declan's flings.

Ronan was not like Declan, who has dated many people, he sure got around before he decided he should play sheepdog to Matthew and him. He had been popular in school, a different girl in his arms every two months. None of them lasted long enough to actually get to know, to form a real connection.   
Mom had disapproved assuming Dec didn't respect women enough to see them as equals but Dad had assured her saying Dec was just looking for love. “How would you find love if you don't look for it?” Dad had said pointedly looking at Ronan. Ronan had showed him the keys for his brand new car he hadn't put down since his parents surprised him with it on his sixteenth birthday and said, “Already found it.”   
Ronan didn't understand Declan's way of dating. He guesses it was just for sex and immediately tries putting the thought off his mind. He's not thinking about Declan having sex. He probably critics the poor girl's performance after.  _ Ugh _ .   
Cows. Fireflies. The Barns. Glendower. Camaro. BMW. Adam.  _ Adam _ .

Adam was one stubborn fucker. He found his way into Ronan's thought despite his effort to forget.

He lied on the bed.

Ronan was not into the casual hook up thing. He didn't understand the appeal. Gansey used to date, he's had girlfriends before but he never quite connected with any of them. He had been always restless unless of course he was pouring over some historic text or uncovering a mystery.    
Gansey worked with facts, theories, clues and trails. They calmed him, he had said once, girls confused him. They were not factual, couldn't be theorized and their clues too complex to discern.   
Gansey had said he liked the idea of having a girlfriend, to share experiences with. Ever since he had almost died seven years ago, he had been all about experiencing things. He had asked what Ronan thought about having a girlfriend. “Nothing,” he had replied. He hadn't lied, he had no interest in a  _ girlfriend _ .

Ronan wasn't sure what he wanted in a boyfriend, or what kind if a boyfriend he'd be. He only knew that the person should feel right for him to put the effort, to open up and share things with.    
His parents were a great example. Mom had always said dad had been a hard nut to crack. That she persued him first, convinced him she was worth it. Their love hadn't been instant, their connection had grown with time. And when Niall Lynch had finally fallen for his mother, he had been fully and totally gone.   
Ronan wanted someone to love him just as fiercely as his father had loved his mother. He wanted to love someone with all that he has like his mother had loved his father.    
It only seemed fitting they both died together, they could never have lived without one another.    
_ Now _ he had made himself sad. The bed Ronan was lying was messy, surrounded by clothes and knick knacks. Something was painfully digging into his back, he let it.

Most of Ronan's things were still in this room. He decided to look around to see if he needed to take anything with him. His eyes fell on the array of shoes in the shelves in his closet and was reminded of Adam and his pathetic pair of shoes.

He slammed the door shut and headed downstairs.

“Gansey! we are leaving.”

Gansey who was talking to his brother in the living room immediately stood up to follow.

“Later, Declan. Goodbye, Matthew.” He called out.

“Goodbye!” Matthew yelled from somewhere inside the house.

“Hey Ronan, would you-” Declan started.

“No,” Ronan said easily and rushed to the door. Gansey wasn't far behind. But he did carry a bowl of spaghetti with him.

As soon as they arrived at Monmouth Ronan knew it was going to be a long night when Gansey started the sentence with, “Is Adam--”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me Kno what you think! I need all the encouragement I can get to go on with this work!


	4. Chapter 4

Ronan Lynch was not having the best of days. The school had called Declan to talk about his grades, which weren't all that great. Declan then called Gansey to whine about it when Ronan hadn't answered his calls or texts. Now Gansey was on his case, hounding him to do better.

“If your grades don't pick up, I can't keep you at Monmouth anymore,” Gansey said.

It was like a bucket of ice cold water poured over him. He looked at Gansey in disbelief, “You promised,” he reminded.

“I promised Declan I'll make sure you finish high school too. Don't make me break my promise to him to keep yours.”

Ronan stopped mid stride, “What? The promise you made him more important than the one you made _ me _ ?” 

Gansey looked at him tiredly, he barely slept last night and Ronan was making it harder for him. Which pissed him off more because guilt tugged at his heart. 

“Fuck it!” Ronan started walking away from him.

It was after school, they had taken Gansey's Camaro, lovingly named The Pig, together this morning. Gansey had wanted to talk to the row team coach before heading home. Declan's phone call made them change their initial trajectory.

“Ronan,” Gansey called out, it sounded like a sigh. He caught up to Ronan as he crossed the tennis court and turned towards the parking lot.

“Look, I want you there with me at Monmouth. I want you to finish high school  _ too _ . One more year and you'll be done with it, just put up with it one more year?”

Ronan stopped walking, “Oh Dick,  _ put up with it? _ Do you ever do anything that felt like putting up with? No? Thought so.” he resumed walking.

“I put up with school too. You think I want to be here when life is so short and I could be out there exploring? We all have to do certain things-”

“So why not go?” Ronan interrupted, “why not take off right now? You have the money. The resources.”

“I'm a Gansey. It is expected of me to exel at things, college is one of them,” Gansey said, sounding like so much Gansey II, if Ronan didn't know any better he'd have thought he was mimicking him. Ronan scoffed mockingly. 

“Ronan, don't be like that. And I don't want to miss out experiencing school life just because I want to experience another thing. I don't want to miss out on the small things by pursuing the big and vice versa.  _ Don't you get it? _ I want it all  _ so badly _ it keeps me up at night.”

This was not a conversation to be had while walking briskly towards the parking lot, surrounded by bratty students. Ronan would like to hear more about what keep his friend awake at night. They haven't had a heart to heart in while and they only ever spoke about Ronan's issues. 

Ronan started to say something only to be stopped by a commotion in the parking lot that drew his attention away. 

Joseph Kavinsky, the school bully hid his inferiority complex by surrounding himself with assholes who accepted him as their leader and followed him around and picking on the weak to show their strength. His gang of misfits lapped it up like it was the best entertainment they'd have ever seen. It was not a strange sight to find Kavinsky throwing hands at the parking lot. He's more volatile in the vicinity of cars and enjoyed getting into fights with a audience. The thing that made Ronan halt in his steps was seeing  _ Adam Parrish _ in the middle of it.

“Is that Adam?” Gansey asked squinting at the body lying on his back next to his bike, propped on elbows. Ronan and Gansey rushed towards him.

Kavinsky snarled something down at Adam that Ronan didn't catch. They were far away, he picked up his pace. Kavinsky raised his leg to kick Adam and Adam looked like he'd just lie there and take it. He had his back to Ronan, his head tilted up, watching Kavinsky. He didn't make any movement to brace himself from the impact. Ronan finally caught up to them just as Kavinsky was bringing his foot down to Adams ribs and crashed into to him, shoving him off to the side. 

“ _ What the fuck _ ?” Kavinsky yelled stumbling,.

Propenko, who was always by Kavinsky's side pulled Ronan away from Kavinsky before he could slug him. Ronan sent a dangerous look his way, Propenko dropped his hand quickly and stepped back.

Gansey helped Adam to his foot. Adam didn't acknowledge them, he looked to the far buildings in the school property, seemingly uninterested.

“What the fuck is your problem  _ now _ , Lynch?” Kavinsky demanded having gained his footing again.

Ronan didn't bother answering, just glared at him tensing for a fight.

“Break it up, boys. Break it up!” Henry Cheng, the unofficial class president of Aglionby said stepping between them.

Adam's cheek was red and looked to be bruising and his lower lip was split.

Ronan glared around at all the people who had watched while Kavinsky punched Adam.  _ What a bunch of assholes. _

Ronan was seething with rage, willing to fight anyone who was willing to try it with him. Joseph Kavinsky with his twig like arms and his band of cokeheads seemed to realize he's no match for Ronan. He backed away but he never could help running his mouth.

“What is this? Is the trailer-trash in the Dick Squad too? That sounds like an orgy,” Kavinsky leered. His pathetic little group laughed as if it was funny.

Only last week Ronan had called Adam that,  _ trailer trash.  _ But hearing Kavinsky say it made him want to knock him out. It also made him realize he's a dick, nothing he didn't already know. 

“Kavinsky,” Gansey said firmly, “You throw punches around in school grounds again, I will make sure you don't ever step in here. Understand?”

Kavinsky cocked his head, “That a threat, Dickface?” 

“It's a promise,” Gansey said with conviction, his politician voice that got even real adults to obey. 

Next to Gansey, Kavinsky looked so very powerless. Gansey in his perfectly worn uniform, wire frame glasses and perfect posture extruded authority. Joseph Kavinsky with his rumpled attire, white rimmed sunglasses and careless slouch was a pathetic display of defiance.

He seemed to realize Gansey had the upper hand here and took off his glasses. His eyes were red, probably from a hangover. He stepped closer to Gansey. Ronan stepped between them.

Kavinsky scoffed at him and spat, “Of course. The master and his  _ pet _ . You're a guard dog too?”

Ronan looked at him blankly, now that Gansey had decided to take the reins, he found no reason to waste his energy on this worthless piece of shit.

“You've seen me fight  _ all _ these bitches in school. Everyone here has,” Kavinsky gestured to everyone around them watching this spectacle, he hit his chest, “I'm still here. What can  _ you _ do?”

“Get you suspended,” Adam answered for Gansey, talking for the first time since they arrived.

“You? You almost cried over the books soaked in toilet water. Talk to me when you are worth more than two dollars. Now, shut the fuck up, the adults are talking.”

“You're not an adult, you're an unsupervised  _ child _ . Do not try me,” Gansey wagged his index finger at him. He turned to Adam and then to Ronan, “Let's go.”

Adam dutifully followed without argument, eventhough he hasn't spoken to them since Friday night, the week before. 

Kavinsky laughed, “Yes, run back to your master, Lynch.”

Ronan didn't look back, he barely registered the words.

“Try all you want, you can't get rid of me, Dick!” Kavinsky yelled after them. 

Henry jogged up to them and handed Adam his backpack. “You all right? Your lip is bleading.”

“Yeah, I'm good,” Adam slung the bag over his shoulder,“You got it?”

Henry grinned, “I got it.”

“Let's see if you're any good,” he smiled lightly, “then I'll sign all your damn petitions.”

Henry grinned. “Prepare to be blown away, AP-boy. See you around Gansey-man, that was great back there by the way. And you too, Harbinger of death,” he nodded at Ronan.

Kavinsky peeled off in his car, giving them the finger. Henry threw the peace sign back at him like the lame ass that he is. 

“Nothing to see anymore, go home everyone!” Henry walked away from them calling out to the dispersing crowd 

“What was that?” Gansey asked Adam when they reached the Camaro. 

Adam only said “He slashed my tyres” in explanation. Gansey stared at him for an endless minute. Adam let him do it, silently gazing back. 

_ Damn _ Ronan thought, no one couldn't not fidget when Gansey stared them down until it became awkward and they give in.

Gansey gave up and said,“I thought you said you don't fight.”

“I don't and I didn't.” Adam replied without giving anything away.

“Okay,” Gansey said.

Ronan shot a look at him, he never took an explanation so short with an “ _ okay _ ” when Ronan gave it. 

“If your tyres are slashed you can ride with us,” Gansey offered.

Adam looked at Ronan hesitantly.

Ronan walked around them, snatched the keys out of Gansey's hand and let himself into the passenger seat.

“Come on, Adam. I really am sorry for offending you. It was not my intention,” Gansey tried again.

“I'll get my bike,” Adam’s clear voice said after a beat.

They drove out of the school lot after Adam loaded his bike in the back of the car. Gansey handed him a box of tissues, Adam wiped the blood off his lips and stuffed the soiled tissues into his bag. Gansey then handed him a bottle of water, Adam took small sips.

“Can you keep the bike at Monmouth for a day and drop me at Boyd's?” Adam asked a while later. Adam never asked for anything, which must hopefully mean the fucker had forgiven them. 

“It's Wednesday. You don't have work on Wednesdays,” Ronan said and belatedly regretted.

Adam blinked at him a few times and slowly said, “I keep a change of clothes there. I have somewhere else to be today.”

“Sure, Adam,” Gansey agreed.

“Thank you,” Adam replied.

Ronan snorted.

“ _ Ronan _ ,” Gansey warned. 

They dropped Adam off at Boyd's and headed home. Gansey toom Adam's bike from the boot and carried it into the building. The tyres were both cut and the front wheel rim was dented badly.

“What's the deal with Kavinsky?” Gansey asked setting the bike against the wall close to his desk.

“Assholery,” Ronan said wiping his lips after chugging a glass of orange juice. 

“Why do you think he hit Adam?”

“Ask him.”

Gansey hummed. He hated unsolved mysteries and enjoyed worrying with passion.

“Are you worried?” Ronan mocked. 

“Perhaps. Adam is too quiet to get into fights. Do you think this bullying has been going on for long. That comment about books soaked in toilet water bugs me.”

Ronan walked to his room to get rid of the god forsaken uniform of an off-white shirt, navy sweater, khaki slacks and a  _ fucking _ tie, “Kavinsky is a rich douche who looks down at the lower class. Adam is lower class. The mouse to his cat. There's no mystery here, Gansey.”

“Don't be shitty,” he said mildly. “Do you think he was the one who gave Adam that bruise last week?”

Ronan paused to think of the likelihood and decided it's definitely possible.

“You think your nerd runs around picking fights with everyone?”

“Right,” Gansey said.

“I'm heading out in a bit,” Ronan said from inside his room.

“Oh, where?”

“Gym.”

Gansey came to stand at his door, “What about dinner?” 

“Meeting Matthew at the new sandwich place, no I  _ will _ not say that ridiculous name out loud,” Ronan said, thinking how stupid  _ Anaconda Buns  _ sounded.

Gansey grinned mischievously from the doorway, “ _ My anaconda don't- _ ”

“Squash one, Squash two, squash-” Ronan retaliated with the song Gansey hated.

“I give up! I give up!” Gabsey said covering his ears.

Ronan puffed his chest in victory and pulled out his gym clothes. Gansey left to give him some privacy.

When he came out carrying his gym duffel, Gansey looked sharp, dressed in slacks and a pretentious looking shirt that looked good on him. 

Ronan raised his eyebrows at him in question eventhough this was Gansey's usual attire minus the shirt, he usually preferred Polos. 

Gansey pulled out his dress shoes, “Got a dinner date with Judge Harris. Mom suggested it last month, let's just get it over with. I hope the Pig doesn't break down on me again.”

Ronan smirked,“That's not ideal.”

“The dinner or Pig breaking down?” 

Ronan grinned sharply in reply. Gansey snorted, “Right. Noah is having a friend over tonight, I told him we'll be out till ten.”

“Ew,” Ronan said blankly, walking down the stairs.

Gansey looked bewildered when he glanced back,“You think it's that kind of-”

“Bye, Dad.” Ronan hollered.

“Be careful, Ronan!,” Gansey yelled followed by a loud mutter, “ Damnit! I  _ am _ a dad.”

Ronan laughed as he started his car and the smile stayed on his face as he drove off. Genuine smiles are a fleeting thing that refused to stay on Ronan's face, he made sure no one saw it. He didn't look as menacing when his face transformed to resemble his mother's, his lips quirked up in an easy smile and eyes alight with humor. Those were reserved for when he's alone or around Gansey or Matthew. 

Ronan drove past  _ Boyd's  _ in normal speed. He doesn't understand why he got so worked up seeing Adam on the ground and Kavinsky standing over him, preparing to hit him again. The anger he had felt then, surfaces when he goes over the scene again and again. How Adam didn't get back up but stayed on the ground, body angled like he was expecting a kick to his side. He thought he understood something vital but the dots keep disappearing before he could connect them.

He burned all his rage in the gym until he was tired to his bones, until he was nothing but sweat and muscles. And  _ stink _ . He needed to shower before meeting Matthew. He fucking  _ hated _ communal showers.

____

By the time Declan picked Matthew from the sandwich place it was almost nine. Declan glanced at the name of the diner disapprovingly. 

_ Hypocrite,  _ Ronan thought. They used to eat at all kinds of diners when their parents were alive. They would cruise around after Sunday Mass and stop at random places to have brunch. It was adventurous. Mom grumbled about getting food poisoning but ate her fill on greasy goodness nonetheless. 

He had time to kill before he's able to return, he didn't want to risk going to Monmouth early and catch Noah with his pants down. 

Adam took over his thoughts again. Joseph Kavinsky wasn't into bullying, he did that to entertain his cronies. He rarely pulled a stunt like that on school grounds, powerful father or not something like that could get him expelled. 

Why Kavinsky bothered to come to school he didn't know, he hated school as much as Ronan did. And he knew for a fact he doesn't have a brother hounding his ass or a Gansey expecting shit from him. 

This probably wasn't Kavinsky's first strike on Adam, the bruise from weeks ago flashed in his mind. Suddenly he knew what to do untill he is to return home.

He sought Kavinsky out to race. 

Kavinsky belonged to the ugly part of Ronan's world and rolled in the dirt while Gansey was pristine in what he did and where he rolled. He hung out in the old fairground in the east of Henrietta, drinking and smoking all kinds of things. The ground was an abandoned clearing overgrown with weeds and trashed by litter. He found Kavinsky's white Mitsubishi Evo in the center, surrounded by four other cars. A blue car was driving in circles, as a girl hollered delightfully from the passenger seat, leaning out of the car. Everyone standing outside clapped and laughed. Someone in a black Lexus was revving it's engine, repeatedly. 

Ronan came awake with the sound, from head to toe.

He parked next to a Volvo and glanced inside. No driver but the stereo played loud music. He got out when he noticed he had caught Kavinsky's attention. He waited while Kavinsky made his way over, a few of the partygoers came along with him. Kavinsky poured his beer between them as they stood face to face. Kavinsky was in a tank top and jeans, all his bones sticking out.

“Didn't think I'd see you here again after the last time,” Kavinsky said lazily. 

“If you touch my car again I will break every one of your fingers.”

“Aw Man, who died and made you all fucked up? Oh wait, I know,” he laughed at his own pathetic dig.

Ronan didn't bother responding to that. “You too high to race?” he asked.

Kavinsky gestured for another bottle of beer, after Skov handed him his he said, “Never too high for that.”

“One circuit around the ground, you and me,” Ronan said.

“What do I get if I win?” Kavinsky leaned in close,and asked in a sultry voice.

Ronan narrowed his eyes at that. “You won't,” he said.

“Let's not throw around false promises, yeah?”

Ronan leaned against the BMW, “Nothing false about it.”

Kavinsky laughed, delighted. “Not with that attitude, you won't.”

“The winning streak I got going on made me brave.”

“Whoa, Lynch you're all fired up aren't you? It's okay, I'll douse the flames for you. Maybe after you lose Daddy Gansey will tuck you in as you lick your wounds”

Ronan was getting impatient. “You race with your mouth?”

“Your ass wishes,” Kavinsky mocked, “Propenko!” he yelled. 

A minute later Propenko parked the Mitsubishi beside the BMW. They both got in and drove the edge of the field where a road had been made around the fairground by constant races and drifts.

They were parked parallel to each other, Kavinsky gave Ronan the middle finger and stepped on the pedal. Ronan did the same, the sound taunting, growling lower than the Mitsubishi but just as glorious.

Propenko stood between the cars and held his hand up, Ronan waited with anticipation for him to put it down and took off, nearly taking the road with him. 

Kavinsky's car was better than the BMW for racing but Ronan was the better driver of the two. He drove ahead, adrenaline coursing through him. Ronan but lost ground when he had to drift in the turn, the Mitsubishi advanced on him dangerously and raced ahead for a few seconds but then Kavinsky shifted to fourth gear from the third when they were nearing the end.  _ A mistake _ , Ronan smirked. He sped forward and finished first.

Nothing beats this feeling, he thought. Driving. Driving faster. Racing. Winning. How does anyone else live without this kind of high? 

Ronan came to a stop, the same place he had parked before. Hoots and laughter sounded as he got out but he didn't pay attention to them. 

Kavinsky parked his car nose to nose to the BMW and got out and eyed him. Propenko handed him a beer.

“What do you want, Lynch?” Kavinsky asked taking a swig out of the bottle.

Ronan recalled Adam on the ground, Kavinsky standing over him with his glasses on while his band of misfits watched.

“Your sunglasses,” he said. 

Kavinsky laughed and leered, “We have a fanboy here, Enko.”

“All your sunglasses,” Ronan clarified gesturing around.

Propenko touched the aviators hooked in the neckline of his T-shirt, confused. Kavinsky studied him, the half lidded way to hide how angy he really was at losing. He removed the white rimmed glasses that rested over his head and tossed it at Ronan. Ronan caught it and tossed it inside his car without studying it. Propenko taking cues from Kavinsky collected glasses from five others, added his own to the pile and handed it over to Ronan. He dumped them in the passenger seat and smiled at all the frowning drunk assholes. 

His gaze came to rest on cross armed Kavinsky “That shit you pulled today at school, let's not repeat that.”

“ _ Oh _ ? Dick Three doesn't approve? See if I give a fuck,” Kavinsky spat. Ronan merely walked around his car to get to the driver's side.

“And if I do?” Kavinsky asked before he could get in.

Ronan looked at him over his car and said,“Let's not.”

He got in the car, revved the engine to piss Kavinsky off and took off, tyres squealing.  _ Happiness _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys responded so positively! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
> 
> Q


	5. Chapter 5

When Ronan had first gotten his driver's license, and received his BMW as a birthday gift, he snuck out of the house at four in the morning and took his car out for his first drive.

Ronan had often driven the farm truck or other the family vehicles before he had legally been allowed to do so. He loved watching cars race, he loved sitting in the driver's seat, wrapping his fingers around the steering wheel, he loved the growl of the engine which to him was pure symphony. He loved the smell of gasoline and the leather upholstery. He loved how an amazing car became even more so after tricking it to perfection. He loved the momentum of a fast moving car, where both danger and safety were in play. The driver is in control of the vehicle. Driving resuscitates Ronan.

He had been thirteen when he had convinced his father to teach him how to drive. At sixteen he had his own car, a grey BMW that took Ronan's breath away. He had ran his hand over it's body diligently,  _ oh _ how he loved his parents for gifting it. 

He hadn't been able to sleep that night, driving it was all he'd been able to think about. He had touched all the controls, breathed in the brand new scent and gripped at the steering wheel reverently. Declan had muttered ‘ _ drama queen’  _ at him. Ronan hadn't cared, no one could understand his love for cars.

He hadn't been allowed to drive his new car right away. “Tomorrow. It's late now,” Mom had told him. As he lay on the bed wide awake, dreaming of driving he had decided where he'd take it for his first spin. Fifteen minutes later, when even the roosters had been asleep he was driving it away from home. The possible consequence of his action ignored completely.

He hadn't driven fast as anyone who knew him would assume he had. No, he had taken his time to fall in love, getting used to the interior, the hum of the engine, the smooth glide. He had put his arm out to feel the breeze created from the momentum of the car. His dark curly hair tickling his face, he had smiled serenely as a giddy rush passed through him.  _ Euphoria. _

It's cruel how his parents died in a car. That fact soured the experience whenever he remembered it while driving, which was understandably, always. Now, he drove angrily, hating him a little for loving it still. His love for driving marred by his grudge on the car that killed his parents. 

He had gone looking for trouble when he couldn't sleep, his parents haunted his dreams. He had raced amost every, Joseph Kavinsky had been no match for Ronan Lynch fuelled by anger. He had then taken to driving alone, faster and faster until all he could concentrate on was driving. He had been forced to take it easy by Declan after the accident that put him in the hospital. 

Ronan had gotten his back tattoed, vines and Celtic symbols, flowers and bird wings covered his entire back. Tips of wings reached up to his neck on either sides. Declan's eyes had zeroed in on Ronan's neck and he had thought his brother was having a stroke with how red he looked. 

“A tattoo? A TATTOO? Are you fucking kidding me? You're not eighteen yet, who the fuck- ” Declan had started.

“You look constipated, Dec. Take out the stick from up your ass,” he had said breezily, walking away.

“You think Mom would approve of this? She'd be  _ so _ disappointed to see you act so reckless. And Dad-”

Declan hadn't finished the sentence, Ronan had punched him in his mouth. That was the most violent fight they had ever had, they only stopped when a crying Matthew intervened. A week later he was moving in with Gansey.

He was that angry now. He had barely gotten any sleep before being woken up by a nightmare. His parents’ screams still echoed inside his head. He hadn't gone to school today, opting to drive around Henrietta. It had helped, only barely. He drove until his anger melted away to wariness.

Gansey had phoned him after school.  _ -’Pig broke down again. Can you come pick me up? The tow truck isn't available. I'll have to leave her here. So, can you?’ _

He had been tempted to say no but then fact that Ronan Lynch, hater of all phones had picked up his is proof that he was bored and had nothing better to do. On his way to the rough location Gansey had given him he saw Adam riding towards him.

Adam had shown up at Monmouth last Sunday with a new wheel, couple of tyres and tools to fix his bike. Gansey had thrown a fit when he found out he walked to school from the trailer park on Thursday after Kavinsky had slashed his tyres. He had insisted Adam let him drive him to school on Friday, Parrish had accepted. 

Ronan got out of his car. Adam slowed down to a stop beside him with a questioning look. They stood facing each other at the side of the road. There were trees all around, letting little light through even when the sun was shining bright and warm. 

“Pig broke down in the middle of nowhere. Gansey is in distress. He needs a mechanic in overalls to save him. You coming?” 

“I'm still in my uniform,” Adam pointed out unhelpfully.

Ronan passed his eyes over him, head to toe and said, “I see that.”

“Where is he exactly? I have work.”

It was Monday today. “Boyd's? Tell him you're bringing a customer in and demand commission.”

“How do you know my work schedule?” Adam asked frowning suspiciously.

“Aw come on, Parrish. Friends know this kind of stuff about each other. You probably never had one before-”

“Are we friends?” Adam asked.

Ronan stopped short.

“Guess we'll see, won't we? If you help a friend in need, you’re a friend indeed. Coming?”

“Gansey needs the help. He's already established he's my friend. Are you?” Adam stubbornly asked again, stepping all over Ronan's deflection. Ronan forced himself not to fidget as he observed Adam impassively. He hoped he appeared aloof on the outside because on the inside he's thinking of something clever to say and slightly freaking out. Adam looked back at him patiently. The bruise on his cheek from Friday has faded to yellow. 

His quiet patience, confident presence and careful words are making Ronan's stomach move uncomfortably. It's not really helping when Adam's windblown hair falls over his eyes. Adam pushes it backwards, slipping his long fingers through his blond hair. Ronan follows the movement almost mystified. 

Adam raises an eyebrow but all Ronan could think about is his racing heart.

“Give me this week to think it over,” Ronan managed to answer. 

Adam's lips twitched, his eyes alight with humor. Ronan mentally cursed himself for stopping. Adam nodded at the BMW behind him. Ronan popped the trunk and got in the car. Adam put his bike in the truck, gently shut and slid into the passenger seat. 

They found Gansey parked in left side of the road, he was poking half his body through the open window of the car. 

“You didn't catch him here when you were riding?” Ronan asked.

“I came through the jogging trail in the woods. It's a short cut.”

“Right.” 

He parked behind the Camaro and got out. Gansey moved towards them, a granola bar clutched in his hand. 

“It's expired,” Gansey said holding the candy out.

“I bet. It's been there since you bought this piece of junk. I come bearing gifts,” Ronan gestured to Adam who was getting out of the car with flourish. 

“Adam!” Gansey exclaimed cheerfully. They both knocked fists when they reached each other. Ronan looked away.

“What are you doing here?” Gansey asked baffled, but delightfully so.

Adam shrugged towards Ronan. 

Ronan shrugged too, copying Adam, “Magic,” he said, “Pulled him out of a dream.”

He crossed his arms and looked at them boredly, hoping they didn't pay much attention to his words. With Gansey's archeological scrutiny and Adam's pitless attention span, it's highly unlikely. His patience is running thin, he feels the receded anger creeping back in.

“He said you needed a mechanic's help?” Adam asked.

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Ro. For pulling Adam out of your hat,” Gansey said. At least he didn't repeat the embarrassing line about pulling him out of a dream.  _ What a weird thing to say! _ Ronan thanked Jesus. 

“I think I figured out the problem with everything you taught me. It's the same recurring one I-” Gansey was saying as he led Adam to the front of his car and they poured over it for a few minutes. 

Ronan walked back to his car and sat on the bumper. 

A couple minutes later Gansey got in the Camaro and tried starting his car as Adam, hidden from his view messed around in the front. The car started, sounding glorious. Gansey whooped and shouted, “Yeehaw!”

Adam's laughter when it came was surprised and genuine. Ronan was fucking annoyed.

Adam leaned in to say something to Gansey. Gansey turned to look at Ronan, his head straining out of the window. “Are you driving Adam to his work?” 

Ronan looked at Adam, “His bike's already in the trunk. Let's go.”

He got in the car, drove past Adam and Gansey, reversed and turned his car around. He came to a stop beside the Pig and watched ahead as Adam got in. 

“See you at Monmouth?” Gansey asked.

“Nino's,” Ronan replied.

Gansey nodded.

Ronan peeled away from Gansey, showing off a little. Adam reached out to the dashboard as he was thrown sideways. Ronan smirked.

“Ten minutes late. Would have been fifteen.” Adam stated when they reached the shop.

Ronan gestured to the back seat of the car where the sunglasses he won sat. Adam glanced back and recognition colored his features.

“Pick one, or take them all I don't care,” Ronan said.

“What is this?”

“Sunglasses. Surely you know of them,” Ronan said mockingly earnest.

“How did  _ you _ get it?” Even though there was more than one in the back, only one mattered.

“I have my ways,” he grinned his shark grin.

Adam reached behind to take one, Ronan got a whiff of whatever cheap deodorant he used.

Adam picked the white rimmed glasses and studied it before putting it on. He turned towards Ronan and tilted his head. His stomach clenched, he didn't like seeing Adam in Kavinsky's glasses. 

Adam took them off and shook his head, “Even his glasses look like a douchebag.”

Ronan snorted in agreement.

“Seriously though, what is this?”

“ _ Restituere _ .”

He saw from periphery Adam’s eyebrows drew in, “You didn't have to do that.”

Ronan hummed. 

Adam put Kavinsky's glass back in the pile and took a black Ray-Ban aviator and put it on. Ronan turned his head to check him out properly, he didn't remember who the glasses belonged to.

Adam looked at him curiously and said, “Thanks, I think.”

Ronan remained silent. 

Adam started to say something then shook his head, “Pop the trunk?”

Ronan popped the trunk. Adam got out and slid his backpack over his shoulder still wearing those glasses. He took his bicycle out of the trunk and closed it, hardly making a sound. Somehow that made Ronan so mad he drove away without saying goodbye.

His phone chimed a reminder, he threw the screen a look. Fuck _. The shrink. 4PM._ It read.

He thought of skipping then decided against it. Last week he had had nothing to say so he had bitched about Adam and Gansey. He could talk about the dreams he's been having lately. He needs distraction anyway. He still has time to eat with Gansey, he drives to the pizza joint. 

_____

One thing Ronan has learned through the years is that Richard Cambell Gansey III cannot exist alone. He seldom preferred solitude. At the same time, he was not a party animal either. 

He appreciated deep invigorating conversations, rarely political and more philosophical. He was a thinker, a worrier, a man in a boy's body. A thespian being in need of an audience. He was a performer in midst of pretenders, his pretention worthy of your time. Ronan had witnessed it first hand many times in the Gansey Mansion during annual charity galas and soirees. He hated the charade, but he knew the real Gansey so it didn't bother him much. They were all pretending one way or another, it's hypocritical to expect better.

Gansey was also forthright and honest with his thoughts. He loved Ronan for his truthfulness. He valued their friendship.

He didn't understand social norms and believed in stereotypes until proven wrong, one of his flaws.

Ronan always knew Gansey wanted more out of life. He wanted his hard work, his research and even  _ himself  _ to be seen as his alone and not an extension of his family. Ronan suspected Gansey envies Adam Parrish. He definitely is fond of him and looks up to him. He's shared with him last week,  _ “Adam is authentic even when he's poor, he works hard. I truly believe he'll be something. He's just...just more.” _ When Gansey hadn't been able to find a word to express how he felt from his infinite vocabulary, Ronan had known Gansey feels strongly about this. 

He continued in a small voice, “And I am afraid I won't ever be more than the name. A name that isn't even truly mine, I share with two other. I'll just die a nothing.”

This Gansey, the insecure Gansey he thought was for his eyes only. Just like the Reckless Gansey.

But on Saturday, Gansey opened up to Adam. It was such an important moment, it was heavy in the air and their hearts. Ronan knew Adam was for keeps, he trusted Gansey's judgement.

Adam studied Gansey's face, frowning first, then confused, a little spark of anger, uncertainty then he finally mirrored the look on Gansey's face. A look Ronan saw the reflection of himself on the mirror. Bone deep insecurity and fear, sleepless nights filled with dreams and nightmares, questioning oneself, petrified of failure and so much more feeling than a teenager could carry. They were all in Gansey's eyes as he looked earnestly at Adam. Adam stared back with grudging understanding, he's probably think thinking  _ I'm not alone. I am not alone.  _ Ronan was thinking that. 

Seventeen was a stressful age, if you don't know what you are by then, when would you? 

“You won't be nothing, Gansey. It's just not in you,” Adam said. 

Ronan stayed silent on the setty. 

“You're already  _ more _ . And you're far too brave to give into anxiety and self-doubt,” he said more firmly.

Ronan was surprised yet again when Gansey started talking about his near death experience due to an allergic reaction. How close the end was to the girl who had died. How close the end was to him but survived. And how he fears his own death, wanting to take over the world and also run and hide. His aunt died of a rare case of brain hemorrhage, a hereditary disease he could have also have. His family’s test reports had been negative for the disease. Gansey never found out because he had refused to do the test. He'd rather not know if he was going to die. He lived in denial, losing sleep over it because he had so much he wanted to do before he died.

Before all that he had been just like the others, dreaming dreams and setting goals to a achieve  _ one day.  _ But the NDE and imminent threat of death made him go all YOLO and try to do it all in haste 

“It'll be negative,” Ronan ground out.

“When you feel you're ready to do the check up, we'll come with you,” Adam said, supportively.

Gansey stared at them both, one unwilling to accept that he could or would die and one offering his company whatever the result maybe. He smiled, touched, “Thank you,’ he told them both, “I'm glad I'm here now. With you two.”

Adam nodded seriously. Ronan stayed silent. What esle is there to do.

Gansey had been happier lately. Adam and him barely talk about school or history anymore. They're bonding for real. Gansey had willingly shared the secret he had only told Ronan. His fears, his aspirations his dreams, now Adam knew too.

Gansey took him on that hike they had planned before and they came back from their fruitless endeavor tired and hungry. But it was obvious they had both enjoyed it. Ronan and Gansey used to do that, but he had refused this time. He wanted Adam to go alone with Gansey and experience it without his sarcastic remarks. The next time they go, he'll accompany. And see if Adam was just as happy then.

And make sure Adam understood they were a package deal, him and Gansey. Ronan was trying to accept Adam completely like Gansey had. He had many things to consider before he made the final call. 

Ronan's one week time was up. He's pretty sure Adam was kidding when he asked him for time extension to decide if they were friends. He knows Adam probably won't push him again but yet he's thinking about an answer just in case. Something subtle that says he's willing to be friends with him, put this childish jealousy thing he had going on out, but he also does not want to sound eager. The correct amount of uncaring and caring, because if he pretended he didn't care Adam wouldn't put up with him. He didn't want Adam to think he cared too much either. 

___

The next day at school the three met by the locker room to head to Latin class together. When Ronan, Gansey and Adam walked past their school Headmaster's office, Headmaster Child stepped outside. What a tragic name ' _ Child _ ' is. Ronan could never take him seriously.   
Child asked, "Going to class, Mr.Gansey?"   
If they had known they'd run into the Headmaster they would have taken another route. Ronan wouldn't have come to school. They stopped to engage with the corrupted piece of crap.   
"Yes, of course. To Latin," Gansey replied politely and in that phrase he established they were equals. The man had at least two decades on him. Ronan didn't know how his oldest friend did it but he wasn't complaining. Adam sported that impressed hungry look, the same one he got on his face whenever Gansey breathed differently than the rest of the world.    
Child looked at Adam, his posture slightly superior he stated, "Mr.Parrish, you seemed to have settled nicely."   
"Of course, Professor Child," Adam nodded and smiled tightly. He didn't seem thrilled to be addressed by him. "Gansey and Ronan have been showing me the ropes.”   
Ronan sneered mentally.   
"That's the Aglionby spirit! That's nice of you to do that Mr.Gansey. in this school we look out for each other," he said exuberantly. When he turned to Ronan his smile was dimmer, "Ronan, your attendance has improved."   
Ronan smiled wide, full of warning,"Very observant of you,  _ Headmaster Child. _ " He looked down at the man, Ronan was a few inches taller than him. Child looked at him disapprovingly and retreated back into his office, asking them to hurry along. 

Aglionby still used mechanical bell system, an assigned student would ring it accurately. He has a love-hate relationship with that sound. It meant classes were over but  _ alas _ , it also meant the next one was beginning.   
"You're not helping your case, you know." Gansey said as the rounding the corner.   
"You talking to me, Dick?" Ronan asked boredly.   
Gansey shook his head and let it go.    
They were walking down the longest hallway known in history, the one where he had first seen Adam Parrish.   
He glanced at Adam, he was at Gansey's right side, Ronan at his left. Adam didn't slouch but he drew in on himself sometimes, that betrayed his confidant gait as false. He wasn't slouching now. When the rest walked, Adam sauntered. When the rest laughed racously, he smiled lightly finding their sense of humor beneath him. He talked, expecting no one to contradict him. No, he challenged them to, in his quiet confident way that made Ronan recklessly try to counter argue and throw in sly remarks.   
Ronan assumed it was the Southern in him that made Adam appear charming even when he was mute, expressionless and still. Alas, Adam was not big on socializing.   
He wondered if Adam thought of him. And if he did, what? If he didn't, why not? Ronan still remembered that slight tilt of his lips from the first the when Tad had made a fool out if himself trying to jump on Adam. He still didn't know what was that about.    
Does Adam remember the details of their first meeting just as clearly?    
_ Surely, not. _ Ronan looked away from him as they stepped down the few stairs. They crossed the grounds to enter the Borden House, a separate building where Language classes were held.   
Barrington Whelk, their Latin teacher who Noah had revealed as his ex-best friend stood before the blackboard. He had never liked Whelk, with shifty eyes and shady actions, Ronan branded him a creep. Noah had revealed to them that Whelk had been his friend all through highschool until he betrayed him. He hadn't shared the details, but Ronan knew it took a lot for Noah Czerny to give up on someone.   
Adam was getting better at Latin. He worked harder than Ronan could stomach on a good day. Gansey said Adam had started prepping for classes before school started, when he had been accepted and offered the scholarship to start after summer holidays.    
He can imagine Adam holed up in his house, studying while the sun was shining and the outside gloriously inviting. Ronan's summer hadn't been all that great either.   
After class while they were walking out someone shouted, "Andrew!" None of the three looked back. Ronan who doesn't respond to even  _ RONAN NIALL LYNCH _ barely registered. Adam, who reserved his curiosity to useful things didn't bother finding out. Gansey tilted his head towards the sound but it was clear he was lost in his mind.   
It didn't matter because Tad Fucking Caruthers caught up to them anyway. He invited Adam to a party when they halted.   
"You can come too," he told Gansey and Ronan. Gansey declined. Ronan snorted mockingly.   
Adam said, "I already have other plans. Thanks."   
He continued walking and Gansey followed. Ronan lingered a moment to smirk at a surprised Tad. Adam hadn't even been rude, just factual. Poor Tad was interested in Parrish, either Adam knew and didn't care or he didn't know and was oblivious to admiration from peers. He hoped it was the latter.   
But why Tad's moronic ass thought calling Adam by any name that started with 'A' would do him any favors he didn't know. This school was filled with assholes walking around with head inside their asses. Headasses. Yes, that's what they were.   
Ronan had History last period. Adam AP Physics. They would have to split up near the grounds. He was thankful his school was split up into several buildings that they had to walk to get to. It meant a breath of fresh air from the stifflling classrooms.   
Cole Whitman, from the Row team stopped Gansey to exchange a few words. Henry Cheng and another two joined the conversation. Whitman was complaining about going on a holiday and being forced to row boats there too. Henry asked him why he's on the team if he hated the activity it so much. Whitman quipped he didn't understand why Henry signed up when his upper body strength was lacking. Gansey had to intervene to stop their bickering.    
Adam stood by awkwardly uncertain of what to do.   
He looked to Ronan. And Ronan tried communicating through his eyes  _ ‘Are they for real?’ _ he said. Adam looked confused but tried to answer through his eyes as well. Ronan guessed Adam was saying, ' _ Is something wrong with your eyes?’ _ but didn't know for sure.   
When Henry started talking about a campaign to show opposition to something dumb Ronan took it as a cue to shoulder past them. Someone hissed  _ Dick _ .   
A second later a pair of legs siddled up next to him.   
_ Adam _ . 

They didn't say anything to each other until they reached the science building where they will have to split up.   
Adam looked at his battered up watch and said, "See you later, Lynch."   
"Why not go to the party?" Ronan asked before he could leave.   
Adam stopped mid turn and turned his head to look at him. "Tad's? I didn't want to."   
_ Good enough _ . Ronan nodded and turned away. "See you around, loser," he said over his shoulder.   
He heard Adam huff. Ronan smiled. 

____

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resitituere is Restitution guys! Tried adding some Latin in there.


	6. Chapter 6

Some might find it rather odd, curious even to find three boys in a toilet, standing close together with serious expressions on their faces. An onlooker might think they're sizing each other up judging by their downward gaze, but they were really only looking forlornly at a box of Mac and Cheese. 

That Wednesday the boys living at Monmouth were trying to cook something other than boxed Mac and cheese for once.

Noah, who was a pretty good baker all thanks to his French aunt who owned a bakery teaching him the basics, had insisted they make a pie. When he explained the process to them, Ronan had immediately vetoed the idea claiming it was too complicated. Gansey rummaged through the refrigerator and found meetballs and suggested Spaghetti but they didn't have any noodles.

By this point Ronan lost all patience and reached for the ramen packets they keep fully stocked. Their refrigerator was in the toilet and the microwave right outside and the stove close to the bath area, separated by a screen door. They used to think it was gross, then got used to it. The water system that came with Monmouth was pretty good and the pipes were all in the same place seeing as the place was once a factory. So, it was natural they made their shitting place and eating place according to the pipeline.

“Please no. This is my only day off this week,” Noah moaned.

“Ronan, come on I can't possibly stomach that anymore,” Gansey complained. None of them enjoyed the fake flavors, having grown up on home cooked meals and gourmet dinners.

“I can make breakfast food? That's the only thing I learned,” Ronan offered leaning against the makeshift counter.

“We have meatballs,” Gansey said.

“And we have frozen French fries,” Noah added.

“We have Salsa, peanut butter, ketchup and Jam,” Ronan shared his own input of the inventory of their pantry.

Gansey rolled his shoulders and straightened his posture. He meant business. “Noah fry the fries. Ronan, try making dips. I am on meatball duty. Let's get to work,” Gansey said, determinedly.

Ronan grimaced, “That is basically trash too, you know.”

“But this has more than two steps and needs more than one pot. Should I eat another one if those atrocious boiled food again I might wither away. I need something to resuscitate my taste buds.”

“Trust me, I haven't had so much packaged food in my entire life as I do now. Even in college!” Noah moaned.

“Whatever,” Ronan said breezily, already deciding he won't subject himself to the bizarre food concoction of the month. A few weeks ago it had been scrambled eggs, Nutella and leftover  _ Nan  _ bread. They had even eaten their fill on cookie dough once, too lazy to drive to Nino's. 

“I'm going to the Barns. Matt is bummed about me not petting his pet goat the last time. I'll eat something there,” he said.   
“Are you abandoning us?” Noah asked betrayed, he resembled a pubescent teenager right then.

“We need someone to call 911 when the salmonella starts kicking in, Ro,” Gansey said.

“Meatballs are precooked, genius. You'll survive. I'll bring dinner tonight,” Ronan said walking to the sink to wash his face.

“Nothing saucy,” Gansey requested.

“Something spicy,” Noah threw in as well.

“Indian?” Ronan asked, eyes closed as he slathered face wash over his skin. He opened one eye and saw Gansey shaking his head in the mirror.

“Mexican?” Noah asked.

Ronan washed and dried his face. 

Gansey shook his head again, “Get Chinese, please. Fried rice. No noodles.” 

“Can you get them _holy_ _hot_ rolls for me, please?” Noah asked earnestly. 

He exited the toilet rolling his eyes without responding to his friends’ pleas. In his room, he got out of his old T-shirt and school pants and threw on a dark tank top and jeans. 

In his car he studied his reflection in the rearview mirror, his hair has grown almost half an inch. He decided to buzz off his head at the Barns as he drove there.

Upon arriving he found the driveway devoid of his douchebag brother’s car which in no way was still in the shop. Clearly and  _ thankfully _ Declan wasn't home. That wasn't what surprised Ronan and made him slow the BMW to a crawl. He parked it alongside the object of the cause to his bafflement and got down shutting off the engine.

He squinted and looked closer, then rounded the odd object to observe the other side. 

New tyres, the broken stand balancing on a brick, red bell that only chimed on the second ring, a light connected to a Dynamo and the tiny seat were all very familiar to Ronan by now. It was Adam Parrish's bike. Adam Parrish's bike in the Lynch driveway. 

Ronan touched the worn seat lightly, making sure it was real. He walked to the porch to investigate. Gansey hadn't mentioned anything about Adam coming here. Adam hadn't come over since Sunday when he had only spent a couple hours at Monmouth, doing homework. They met at school today and Parrish hadn't mentioned having business here at the Barns.

Ronan suddenly felt violated. He hadn't invited Adam here, this was  _ his _ place. Adam was slowly invading everything connected to Ronan. The school, Monmouth, his friends and now the Barns.

He stomped into the house and slammed the door noisily to announce his presence in the classic Ronan way. His eyes skimmed the living room, there was clutter everywhere. He moved further in and walked into the kitchen. He remembered why he really came here. Food. But firstly he had to find out Adam's business at his sanctuary.

“Dec? Is that you?” He heard Matthew yell from the next room.

Ronan rounded the corner and entered the dining room. “No,” he answered.

“Ronan!” Matthew shouted excitedly.

Adam winced. He was at the head of the table and Matthew to his left. Books, papers, pens and a MacBook were spread over the dining table. Adam paused the video and the screen froze, displaying a magnet. 

“What are you doing here?” Matthew asked grinning.

Ronan without looking away from Adam said, “Here to see the  _ goat _ .”

“Oh she's in the small barn. She missed you, I can tell. She chewed up the clothes on the clothesline. Man, Declan had to throw them away what with all the green stains from her tongue-”

“What is happening  _ here _ ?” Ronan asked, interrupting his brother. Matthew would go on and on for hours if he could. He pointed at Adam, Mathew, then the table, expecting an explanation.

Matthew immediately turned to Adam, “I'm sorry! Let me introduce you two.” Matthew stood up scraping the chair back. He gestured to Ronan like a good host, “Adam, this is my second brother Ronan Lynch. Ronan, this is Adam Parrish, my tutor. He goes to our school too,” __

_ “Tutor _ ,” Ronan tested how the word tasted in his mouth. He didn't like the taste. 

Adam had the decorum to look guilty. Ronan was confused.

“We still have an hour left,” Adam said to no one in particular, letting in the Virginia accent into his vowels. Ronan knew he was uncomfortable.

Matthew groaned and sat back down.

He stared at Adam's face, all gaunt and tense. “I'll be at the small barn then,” Ronan said to no one in particular and walked back into the kitchen.

He found homemade lasagna in the refrigerator, he wondered if  _ Ashley _ made it as he microwaved the dish. 

Adam tutors Matthew. 

Ronan is really tired of him showing up in all his preferred hangouts. His  _ only _ hangout spots actually. 

Why hadn't Adam told him of this he didn't know, he also doesn't know how he'd have reacted if he had. As he shoved hot and cold food in his mouth he realized Adam didn't have a free day in a week if Wednesday is taken up by tutoring. He knew Adam worked the night shift at Nino's and the rest at the auto shop five days a week. Ronan hasn't still figured out what he does on Sundays and Saturdays before he comes to hangout at Monmouth. 

Ronan ignored the feeling he got when he passed the dining room and headed out through the back. His mother's garden was slowly being invaded by wilderness. The grass was unmowed and unweeded. The garden was not raked and rotting fruits unpicked. His heart hurt, his mother would hate to see her beloved hobby so unkempt. He got to work.

He weeded the garden, raked the leaves and piled them in a corner by the fence, shoved them all into garbage bags. He connected the hose to the tap in the out building and watered the plants. Used the rusty garden shears to cut flowers, made a bunch and put them in a vase filled with water. 

He used to help his mother around the garden, even Declan helped plant. Delphinium, peonies, cornflower and gardenias were his mom's favorite flower plants. She also grew tomatoes, squash, Zucchini and beans, she used to take so much pride in cooking her own garden produce. 

He could think about his mother without wanting to destroy something now but it still hurt.

He took a quick shower before he made his way into the small barn. He greeted Bertha the goat outside with an apple. 

The hour was up, he expected Matthew to come find him and hoped Adam would as well. He still felt owed an explanation.

Ronan was crouched before Bertha as she ate when he heard footsteps from behind him, “Is that the infamous Bertha?” Adam asked, halting a few paces away. 

“Never seen her before? How long has this gig been a thing?” He asked standing up.

“A few weeks,” Adam answered.

Ronan turned around to face him, “Which job did you have to let go to become a tutor?”   
“None.”

Ronan lifted one of his eyebrows, “So, you have three jobs now?”   
“Yes,” Adam looked over his shoulder at the small barn, “sometimes four.”

Ronan didn't know about the fourth job. He didn't understand why a teenager like Adam would want to work so much or in need of so much money. Maybe he's homeless. Maybe he's saving up for college. Ronan, born wealthy, had never even worked a summer job. It might not even have occurred to Gansey to work part time. Judging by Adam's schedule, it's nearly a full time job fragmented into four. He feels tired just thinking about school on top of that.    
“Man, you must be dirt poor,” Ronan said, ever the uncouth person with no filter.   
Adam bristled.   
“Or saving up for something,” Ronan added.   
“Why not both?” Adam said bitterly to the ground.

Ronan was tired of this conversation.

They both went silent watching the goat chew away.

“You want to pet her?” he gestured towards the goat.

Adam looked hesitant.

“Don't worry, she bites.”

Adam rolled his eyes. He approached Bertha slowly and awkwardly pet her head, she leaned into it.

“Oh,” Adam exhaled.

Ronan wanted to set the barn on fire.

“Where's the little shit?” Ronan asked as they were walking back to the house. He mused what Adam thought about this place.

“Matthew? TV probably? He retired to the ‘ _ Man Den’ _ as he calls it.”

Ronan didn't say anything.

“Declan came to the shop to get his car fixed. We got to talking and he asked about my grades,” Adam explained. 

Ronan washed the goat saliva off his hands in the tap in the backyard and waited for Adam to do the same. They sat on the patio stairs, a wide berth between each other.

“He said he found me really patient. Asked if I'd be interested in tutoring Matthew,” Adam continued, “I used to tutor kids in my old school for extra credit so I said yes.”

This was the longest Adam has ever spoken to him. “Matthew has ADHD. It's hard for him to focus but he tries,” Ronan said.

“Yeah, Declan informed me. I spoke to Dr. Poldma. Calla Poldma? And asked for advice. You two must know each other quite well,” Adam said with a smile.

“The fuck does that supposed to mean?”

“It's just- when I mentioned the name Lynch her face soured, like she bit into a lemon.”

“Not a fan of shrinks man. They're into mind fuck. How good a therapist could she be, with that judgemental face of hers?”

Adam shrugged, “She did give me some advice on how to keep Matthew interested.”

Ronan huffed, “How is he doing?”

“Good. He is too into breaks. Snack break, water break, toilet break,” Adam counted off. Ronan wondered if he should defend his brother but he caught Adam's fond expression and decided otherwise.

“He gets creative with it too. The wrist break is the worst. He insists on it every few minutes of holding a pencil.”

Ronan smiled softly, that sounded like Matthew. 

“I need to get back,” Adam said after a few minutes of shared silence.

Ronan nodded.

“I didn't tell you because I did not know how you'd react. I know you don't like me--”

Ronan snorted.

“I planned on telling you at school but you are  _ always _ scowling. Didn't find the right time.” Adam said indignantly. He was getting more uncomfortable the longer Ronan was silent. He thoroughly enjoyed it.

“What's up with you and Kavinsky?” he asked 

“I reported him,” Adam said.

“For?”

“Douchebaggery,” Adam said, copying Ronan's vocabulary. 

Ronan was pleased. He leaned back on the stairs and rested his elbows on the stair one step above the one he sat.

“That why he hit you? At the parking lot?”

“No, I had reported him a week before that. He wasn't even given detention,” Adam said bitterly, “He slashed my tyres that day.” Adam said like that explained everything.

“Fine, Mr.Mysterious, why did he slash your tyres?”

“I encouraged three other students to report him as well. The principal had to do  _ something.  _ He knew it was me and came over to threaten and gloat about ruining my bike. I ran my mouth and got punched.”

“What did you say?”   
Adam looked smug, "He made a comment about me flipping burgers at Nino's. He's too stupid to get that Nino's is a pizza place but I didn't correct him."   
"... _ And _ ? Why did he punch you then?"   
Adam cocked his head to regard him, "I told him if he came around I'd be happy to show him the ropes. Said he'd need it for when he's flipping burgers for a living. He was, understandably not very pleased.”   
Ronan smiled delighted and sarcastically replied, "I can't imagine why.”

Adam chuckled, swatting away flies. Ronan observed his hands, the long fingers and veins. Adam had nice hands.

“You're not so bad, Parrish. I guess we could be friends.”

“If I had known getting punched was the way to become your friend, we'd been besties all along.” Adam turned away.

“We're not friends because you got punched. We're friends because of your smart mouth,” Ronan cringed inwardly, he needed to shut up.

“You get here on the bike?” he asked quickly.

“Took the bus. Biked from the bus stop.” 

Ronan wanted to ask if they let bikes into the bus now but didn't.

“I'm going back to Monmouth. You need a ride?”

Adam hesitated.

“We're friends, aren't we?” He said with air quotes on the word 'friends’.

“You're not here to spend time with your brothers?”

“I came here to eat. Noah and Gansey were experimenting with meatballs,” he said in explanation. Adam grimaced, he knew what that entailed having tasted one of their home cooked meals.  _ Made from scratch!  _ Noah had said,  _ That's how the real MVPs do it. _

“Let’s go then, Parrish,” he said standing up. He waited for Adam to pick up his things.

Matthew emerged from the den, “I didn't know you two knew each other.”

“We don't,” Ronan said. 

Adam made a face at him, “We actually just became friends.”

Matthew looked profoundly confused. 

“Gotta go, don't tell Declan I came around.”

Matthew leaned against the door, “You don't like lying.”

“He won't ask so you don't have to lie.”

“Oh, okay.”

Outside he put Adam's bike in the boot and they got in. The BMW made a choking sound before starting.

“The engine needs a service,” Adam observed.

“Fuckever,” Ronan said, already planning on taking it to Boyd's. 

“You coming to Monmouth?” Ronan asked.

Adam tugged at the seat belt and shook his head. He sat uncharacteristically hunched, the dark circles around the eyes spoke of sleepless nights Ronan knew so well. He looked close to falling asleep where he was seated. Ronan stole a glance every few moments, drinking in what he could. Adam tapped the dial of his watch on his right hand absentmindedly. His hair shaggy, little strands falling over his forehead. 

“Does Gansey know about your little gig?” Ronan asked when they were closer to their destination.

Adam had the decency to look guilty, “No.”

Ronan sneered, “Of course.”

Gansey basically poured his heart out, sat stripped bare before Adam, sharing with him what he had only ever shared with Ronan. Yet, Adam couldn't even tell Gansey of something as simple as tutoring a student. Ronan didn't know if it was a pride thing (which is most likely) or he didn't think of Gansey as a friend just yet. But hey, everyone is allowed to have their own issues. 

Adam made him stop by the road, far behind the trailer park. They all knew where he lived by now, yet he insisted on pretending. He got his bike out of the truck and shut the tailgate.

“Thanks for the ride,” Adam said coming up front by the driver's side. He knocked the top of his car twice before taking off. Ronan had another  _ friend,  _ he didn't know how to feel about that. But it wasn't unpleasant. Ronan watched Adam disappear before taking off himself. 

When he arrived at Monmouth he remembered he hadn't brought Chinese takeout like he promised, nor had he shaved his head.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how in Raven Cycle Adam and Ronan had their connection to cabeswater in common so they were able to bond over ever so slowly? Well, I desperately needed something without magic they shared together to architect scenarios where they would hangout without it being uncharacteristic.   
> Because in the initial stage of Pynch they really didn't have much in common because they didn't know each other. Well, Adam more than Ronan but whatever.   
> So I put "Tutoring Matthew" thing so there's a reason for Adam to be at the barns (in lieu to cabeswater) instead of always at Monmouth with gansey around.  
> I love when the gang hangout as much as you do but let's it's a Pynch fic come on!  
> It's not genius but it's what I got :)


	7. Chapter 7

“Why did you call the cavalry, I was just too drunk to drive, not too drunk to walk,” Ronan said, his arm around Adam’s shoulders as he let him take all of his weight.

Gansey was struggling with the door. “Clearly,” he agreed easily, “I see that now.” 

Adam was too close for his liking, Ronan didn't like what it's doing to him. He let go of him and grabbed onto the bannister, Gansey came up beside him lest he fall. 

Adam opened his bedroom door for him. Ronan hated that door, he wanted to saw it off to pieces. Gansey left them alone to rummage in the kitchen.

“Why do you drink so much?” Adam asked, helping him into bed.

Ronan shrugged him off. “Fuck off,” he said closing his eyes. He tried to keep the nausea at bay. Gasoline smell infiltrated his nostrils, there was also an underlying smell of detergent and toothpaste. Adam was still standing close.

“Is becoming an alcoholic the goal?” 

“You don't know  _ anything _ .”

“I know this isn't drinking for fun,” Adam stated, voice factual.

“I don't want your judgement,” he slurred, “Shove that shit somewhere light doesn't shine.”

Gansey came back with a bottle of water. He forced the bottle into Ronan's hand and made him drink all of it. 

“It's Thanksgiving,” Ronan said finally.

“I know, Ronan,” Gansey said softly.

That careful way Gansey spoke didn't bode well with him. 

“You don't know. You don't! You still have a family,” Ronan spat. Adam looked at him, he knew that much about Ronan.

“Yeah, that's right Parrish. My parents are fucking dead and my brother's fucking a prick.”

Adam didn't say anything. Gansey looked down at his feet.

“I kinda killed them.”

Gansey was quick to rebuke him, “No, you didn't.”

“I did. I was supposed to take the car to service.” 

“It was in perfect condition. It had regular maintenance since the day your dad bought it. And it was fairly new, one missed maintenance won't derail it's performance,” Gansey reasoned, it's what Ronan wanted to hear. He needed to hear that.

“So you say it's shit luck? Coincidence that the brake hadn't worked? You don't believe in coincidences, Dick.” He needed more assurance.

Gansey crouched before him. “Then let's talk about facts. Niall drove it around town that morning and came back home. If he knew the brake wasn't working he would never have taken Aurora along that night,” he said like always did.

“The police report says it was the brake,” Ronan argued like always.

“Many reasons for the brake to malfunction. It was not  _ your _ fault.”

They were quiet for a while. It was a ritual Ronan and Gansey understood and used to play often, but Adam was new.

“I miss them,” he said enraged.

“I know.”

“I miss them so fucking much.”

They lapsed into silence again. Adam was still standing beside the bed, two fingers on his own wrist as he watched him. 

“I'm going to drive Adam to his house, okay?” Gansey said.

Ronan shrugged, hating himself more for being a burden in the ass O’clock after midnight.

Ronan stayed awake long after Adam and Gansey took off. He had drunk to escape his thoughts for a while but in the end he was feeling regret and shame on top of being miserable.

If his parents were still alive, everything would have been fine. Dad always came home for Thanksgiving and stayed until after Christmas. He adored his father, his hero. He wasn't always home but he had loved Ronan. “You're my favorite,” he'd whisper sometimes at random. It always filled Ronan with warmth. 

Ronan had been a dreamer like Niall, head up in the clouds, feet that didn't touch the ground. Imagination too wild for this world, they bonded conspiratorially over them. Declan would roll his eyes at them as they talked nonsense. While Declan had loved Niall like any child would their father, Ronan had worshipped him. 

His mother had been like no other woman he had ever met. Golden haired and golden skinned, she shone the brightest. “Isn’t she a dream?” Niall would ask them, twirling Aurora around. She'd laugh musically, her hair flying gracefully by the movement. Matthew would make a fool out of himself mimicking their sway, pretending to dance with a partner. Nights like that had been whimsical and full of love. A person looking through the window would long for such a life. They had been story book perfect, his family. The part where they had died had been written too, the ink was dry. Still Ronan ached, longed and yearned for a night like that again. 

He'd never taste his mother's cooking again. No Thanksgiving turkey for the Lynch brothers. No game nights. No gifts will be exchanged. No laughter.

So he had drunk to drown all that's unfair and all that's wrong. Adam wouldn't understand. Gansey tried to and Declan refused to.

______

“You know, the phrase goes, 'salt to taste’ for a reason. You seem to have misunderstood it to go ‘salt  _ is _ the taste’,” Adam's boyish voice said in the living room as Ronan stood in front of his closed bedroom door listening.

Gansey's easy laughter followed.

“Being cheeky, are we? Shut your mouth and stuff your face,” Noah grumbled.

Ronan sported a hangover, not quite horrible as he expected but still hurt like roadkill. 

He had lied on his bed for almost an hour after waking up recollecting last night's mess. Gansey picking him up from the parking lot he'd been sprawled in, himself stumbling into the Pig, Gansey stopping to let Adam into the passenger seat from somewhere, taking Ronan to bed, Adam's judgement and his own confession.

It hadn't been a dull night that was for sure. He hated that Adam had been there to witness him at his low. 

It was a few hours after noon, he was surprised Adam wasn't in school then remembered it was Thanksgiving holiday.  _ Right.  _ The reason he had got wasted. 

He stepped outside and the conversation stopped. His eyes sought out Adam's, he was pointedly not looking at Ronan. 

So he ruined the ambience of the gathering,  _ good _ he thought. He was aware he was rapidly turning into the Grinch. Some might argue he already was, but Ronan didn't always want to kill other’s happiness just his own. 

“Ronan!” Gansey said, “Look who's here.”

Ronan didn't look, Adam had become a fixture in Monmouth now, he wasn't special.

He locked himself in the bathroom, ignoring Noah's shout that he needed something from the refrigerator.

He stripped off his clothes and showered the alcohol smell away. He should have eaten something before the shower, he felt lightheaded.

“I made my special  _ extra _ salty bacon and eggs delight for you,” Noah shoved a plate at him, he looked ridiculous with the apron around him. The food on the plate made it resemble a grumpy face frowned back at him with it's bacon eyebrows and egg yolk eyes.

Ronan gestured at himself, wet and half naked with a towel around his waist.

“Right, I'll put this in the microwave,” he said. He eyed Ronan and said, “Adam is in for a treat.”

Ronan ignored him and the spike of something in his belly. The sooner he got dressed the sooner he could eat.

Gansey and Adam were on the ground by the bed, playing UNO, a game Adam had only learned a few weeks ago. Imagine not having ever played UNO in the seventeen years of your life, Parrish was a walking tragedy. He said he preferred Scrabble, Gansey and Adam went toe to toe in  _ that _ but eventually Gansey always won. 

What made him pause for a few seconds wasn't the display of indoor games on Thanksgiving, it was finding Matthew Lynch sprawled on Gansey's bed doing homework. So his brother had been Gansey's- _ Look who's here! _

“Ronan!” Matthew called out excitedly.

“The heck are you doing here?” he asked.

“It’s Thanksgiving.”

“So?”

“So? I thought I'd spend time with you. I'm having dinner with Ashley and Declan tonight which you're not invited to though I asked. I'm sorry. I thought it was unfair he got all of me so I'm here to give some of me to you.  _ Problemo solvio _ ,” Matthew said cheerfully. 

“You're a treat,” he said blankly, but he was pleased. He walked towards Matthew, “You're doing homework on a holiday?”

“Adam and Gansey are helping me write this essay. For English.”

“War and peace. Leo Tolstoy,” Adam said from a little behind him. Ronan caught Adam checking him out, or his tattooed back in his periphery. 

“But Adam and I have different opinions. We are at an impasse,” Gansey added.

“He's supposed to put  _ his  _ opinion on paper, Gansey. Let him,” Adam passed Matthew Gansey's tablet, “Now you have the e-book, read this part.”

“But it's so boring!” Matthew whined.

“War and Peace isn't boring,” Gansey said placing a  _ reverse card _ on the floor. 

“It is. It's so huge! And has over hundred characters and goes on and on for centuries!”

“A little more than a decade actually,” Gansey said.

Adam frowned at the cards “Tell us in  _ your _ words what you think, I'll help you write it, okay?” Adam offered.

Gansey didn't seem to think that was weird, Adam helping Matthew, he just smirked at Adam as he waited for Adam's move.

“It's Noah's turn. Stop looking so smug,” Adam said playing Noah's game for him. Ronan guessed Adam had told him about tutoring his brother. 

He dressed himself in dark clothes in his room, a navy blue shirt and jeans. He shivered, he knew by how cold it was inside Matthew had messed with the thermostat. 

Noah wolf whistled when he stepped out fully clothed. “What's the occasion,  _ son _ ?”

It was only a button down, Ronan rolled his eyes. 

“You look good, Ro,” Gansey said. He knew he didn't imagine Adam's slight nod in agreement. He turned around to the kitchen before he did something stupid like preen. There he ate the salty food grimacing at the exuberant amount of salt in it and drank mango juice. Mango juice was new, Adam liked mango juice Gansey had said in one of their late night shopping, adding a carton to their cart. 

There was a pie baking in a new oven he hadn't seen before. He peered inside, aluminum foil covered the circumference.

Matthew was on the bed nodding off, his homework abandoned. Ronan pinched his arm to wake him up. Matthew scowled, rubbing the spot.

“What are you still doing here? Your family disown you?” he asked Noah who was sprawled on the floor with Gansey and Adam.

“Be quiet! I should have been there an hour ago but my pie is still baking.”

“You didn't have to make three different kinds,” Gansey said. Gansey hadn't gone home this Thanksgiving, his parents were abroad. Helen, his sister had invited him to her place but Gansey had refused. He suspected it was for  _ his _ benefit. 

“Mom likes pumpkin but Nora prefers pecan. I made the apple for you guys. I shouldn't have offered to bring anything, but I want to show them I am an adult. Dad still doesn't think so,” Noah said forlornly.

“He’s right,” Ronan said unhelpfully. 

The oven dinged, Noah ran to it. He heard an anguished cry--”Mittens! Mittens, Noah!” Noah scolded himself.

“That's the third time he burned himself,” Adam smiled. 

“He’s self-destructive,” said Gansey.

“He’s a child,” said Ronan.

“You want to play?”

“No,” Ronan wanted to lie in bed until the food digested. So, he did exactly that beside Matthew.

“Go sit in that chair,” he nudged Matthew. Soft surfaces put his brother to sleep, “I need space to stretch out.”

“It's king sized,” Matthew muttered but dutifully carried his books to the desk. “I came here to  _ spend time _ with you. Maybe play a video game.”

“Come here, I'll braid your hair,” he deadpanned.

“You will?” Matthew asked, hopefully touching his curls.

“No.”

Gansey chuckled.

Usually Ronan sulked the next day after he got wasted. Well, sulked more than the usual amount but today he didn't, he was too tired to. He did wish Gansey hadn't called Adam to come rescue him from himself. It made him sulk a bit more, so he stewed over it in silence. 

“I win,” Adam declared after Noah had left Monmouth with the pies. He wondered what Adam was still doing here, it was a family holiday after all. It proved his suspicion that Adam didn't have a life and was homeless.

“Ugh, you're on a winning streak,” Gansey grumbled. Adam stood up and stretched. Ronan looked away but Gansey didn't. Ronan had a theory Gansey wasn't entirely straight, he wasn't sure if he came up with it just so he didn't have to be the only non-hetero person he knew or if it's a genuine observation. Gansey fascination with Adam could easily be an infatuation with how embarrassingly obvious he was, Ronan narrowed his eyes. 

“I'll make tea,” Gansey said.

“Hot chocolate?” Matthew asked.

“Hot chocolate it is,” Gansey agreed.

Adam walked over to the desk and peered over Matthew's shoulders. “Your handwriting looks great,” he said. Matthew beamed. Ronan ground his teeth.

Adam moved a plant to sit on the desk and watch Matthew write, he corrected him every so often. 

Gansey returned with a tray of two mugs and a regular glass and a wine glass, all filled with steaming hot chocolate. 

He handed the mugs to Matthew and Adam. Adam took it without complaining. Ronan sat up to accept the glass and Gansey took the wine glass for himself.

“You look ridiculous,” he said.

“You came to live here empty handed and broke all the glasses we had. Next time we go to Dollar Store, buy mugs,” Gansey took a sip out of the wine glass sitting next to him, “And spoons. We need spoons.”

“We need fucking blinds,” he said.

“Noah's on it.”

“It's been ages. You'll be graduating by the time he makes good on his word.”

A few hours later Matthew declared he's hungry and demanded to be fed. So off they went to Nino's. Adam and Matthew sat in the back together in the Pig. Gansey dropped him at the parking lot he got drunk in so he could drive the BMW he had left there to the restaurant. 

“Pizza and fries are a weird combo. It's supposed to be burgers and fries,” Gansey said, blowing on a slice of pizza.

“I don't mind,” said Matthew, chewing his food, ever the messy eater.

“Who runs this place?  _ Anarchists _ ? There are rules on how things ought to be. How dare they go against the laws of the universe,” Adam said sarcastically. He had ordered only fries, claiming he was still full of Noah's all-you-can-eat sodium chloride.

“You’ve been a little shit lately,” Gansey observed appreciatively, “What's the secret, tiger?”

Adam leaned back on the booth, his foot knocked against Ronan's. “No secret. Businesses closed for the holiday. Got a few days off work,” he smiled ruefully.

“You still work here, right? They're open.”

“You work here?” Matthew asked excitedly, “Tell us everything! Do they spit on the food if we complain? Is the chef's special just leftovers no one bought? Do the cooks pee in the sink?”

“What the fuck?” Ronan exclaimed. 

Adam looked amused, “I don’t think they do…”

“Oh Adam! You must know the secret of their iced tea! Please share,” Matthew begged.

“I don't know,” Adam said truthfully.

“But you work here!” Matthew whined.

“Yeah, doing dishes. Blue might know.”

“Blue? The waitress?” Gansey asked, feigning disinterest. Ronan punched his shoulder lightly.

“Yeah, she's friends with the cook. The pizzaiolo. It is the word, isn't it?”

“It is,” Gansey confirmed.

Gansey tried flagging down the waitress, who was named Blue for reasons unbeknownst to humanity, she glanced as if through them and walked away.

“I don't think she likes us,” Gansey said Adam.

“ _ Did you just assume her gender _ ?” Adam said, smirking. 

Gansey sputtered, “You said ' _ her _ ’. That's pretty presumptuous too!”

“ _ Dang. _ I'm glad she didn't hear me say that,” Adam shook his head smiling a private smile, “That's just how she is, Gansey. If you go to the Aglionby, you're in her shit list.”

Ronan frowned, “Why work here then? All the assholes from school go here. She could quit? She's ruining my vibe.”

Blue walkedvpast them, she glared at Ronan like she knew he was talking about her. He sneered. 

“If your vibe is disgruntled, she's actually helping it,” said Gansey. 

Adam didn't say anything about his comment on Blue quitting, Ronan was bored and disappointed. 

Beside him Matthew put his arm up and started flailing like a crazy person. Ronan winced when he got jabbed in the neck by teenager elbows.

“Quit it!” Ronan reprimanded.

Blue came over smiling at Matthew but it was clear that was the last thing she wanted to do. That was the usual reaction Matthew evoked. It was impossible for people of any age not to smile back at his little brother. When they went to New York with their parents, Declan and Ronan used to make Matthew smile at strangers in public. If any of them didn't reciprocate, they branded them psychopaths.

“Can we get a refill of the Iced tea?” Matthew held out his glass.

“Sure,” she said easily. She came back with a pitcher and poured into their empty glasses. “Hey Adam,” she greeted.

He replied, “Hello, Blue.”

“What's the secret ingredient to the tea?” Matthew whispered conspiratorially.

Blue cocked her hip and regarded him, “I'm not telling.”

“We could negotiate a price for the answer,” Gansey offered, pulling out his wallet.

Adam bodily winced.

“What did you just say to me?” Blue asked threateningly, “No, go on I dare you “

Gansey froze, “Er…Are you not allowed to tell us?”

Blue stared at him for an endless minute. “Unbelievable!” she exclaimed. She swivelled her head to glare at Adam accusingly. Adam held his hands up like he was staying out of this. She turned to Gansey again, “You seriously think you can  _ buy _ me for a few dollars?”

“I suppose you don't appreciate my offer? I can double your price, seriously it's no trouble.”

“Jesus Christ, Gansey,” Adam muttered under his breath, sliding down in his seat in embarrassment.

Blue jabbed a finger at Gansey, “The  _ audacity _ ! You come in here and order the same shit every time and leave without tipping and think you could what?  _ Buy _ me?” She turned her icy glare towards Adam, “Is that a thing that these pompous pricks do?”

Ronan was beside himself with glee.

“You're causing a scene,” Adam said in a low voice.

“ _ I could double the price _ ,'' she said mimicking Gansey impressively, “Hah! Why don't you take you money and shove it up--”

“Hey! Watch your mouth. There’s a kid in here,” Ronan said gesturing at his brother, who was eating his pizza seemingly unfazed by what's transpiring right in front of him. He's immune through exposure to Ronan and Declan.

“Blue!” Someone called from behind. Blue looked at them all with blatant disgust and left huffing. 

“What just happened?” Gansey asked baffled.

“You just got---What's that term kids use these days?”

“Schooled?” Adam guessed.

“Served?” Matthew added, slurping on his drink.

Ronan nodded, “You just got  _ served _ .”

“Adam?” Gansey turned to him, confused and embarrassed.

Adam just shook his head deciding it's a lost cause.

“If you turn anymore red, you'd match Adam's T-shirt,” Ronan said cheerfully, enjoying himself at Gansey's expense. Adam was wearing a new Coca Cola shirt. Last time it had been an ugly green shirt with  _ Sprite  _ printed on front. He had looked good. 

“Christ, what a travesty,” Gansey muttered.

Ronan dropped a few bills on the table and left. He got into the BMW and tapped rhythmically on the steering wheel as he waited.

His friends came out after a few minutes. Gansey approached him and tapped at his window asking him to roll it down. He did.

“Declan called. He's coming to get me,” Matthew said coming up beside Gansey.

“Let's get back to Monmouth,” Gansey said.

“Tell Declan I am dropping you. We're going to the Barns.”

“We are?” asked Gansey looking back at Adam. Adam shrugged.

“What time should you be home?” he asked Adam.

“Same as always. Ten.”

“Oh, what about--”

“I could go home if you don't want me to come along,” Adam said, cutting him off.

“It's not that--” Gansey seemed to think better of whatever he was going to say. He turned to Ronan.

“He’s already been at the Barns,” he told Gansey. “Let's go, shithead,” he told Adam.

“I'm stopping by at Monmouth first to get Noah's pie.” 

“Whatever, Dick.”

Matthew got into his car and fastened his seatbelt and Ronan took off. Adam and Gansey followed in the Camaro.

…

Matthew had left with Declan a while ago. Ronan and Adam were in Ronan's childhood home living room. Gansey was in the kitchen heating up the Thanksgiving dinner Adam and Gansey had bought on their way here. -- _ Parrish let you buy him food?--He pitched in too. Paid exactly ⅓ of the total.-- _

Ronan was not surprised by the statement. He was surprised by Adam spending money at all.

“Adam!” Gansey hollered, “Can you help me set the table?”

“Set the  _ table _ ? Fuck that shit man. There's a perfectly good table right here!” Ronan yelled back, eying the coffee table laden with game controllers and mugs.

Gansey came out of the kitchen, “But it's Thanksgiving. I thought you'd--”

“Jesus Christ! I know I call you dad but you really are not,” he gestured to everyone in the room, “This isn't a family,”

“You're my family,” Gansey said stubbornly.

“I'm eating on the couch or not at all.”

“Fine, help me carry the food here.”

“Ask our token poor boy to do it,” he said carelessly.

“Ronan!”

“It's okay, Gansey,” Adam rolled his eyes. He followed Gansey into the kitchen.

The meal was Mac and cheese in foil containers, mashed potatoes, turkey sandwiches.  _ It is the Thanksgiving special  _ Gansey had said as if that explained the bland food. At least Noah's pie had been good.

Adam had looked around his house with envy and appreciation. Through his eyes his family house became holy. There was so much longing in Adam's uncanny blue eyes. Adam had asked his permission to look around, Ronan had snorted and nodded. He wasn't going to deny Adam of snooping around, he wanted him to understand why he'd got wasted the night before. This house in which he grew up had been filled with laughter and joy, now it was hollowed out, all that it was before had become just an echo one might hear if paid close attention. Adam paid attention. He had touched all the knick knacks dad brought from his trips abroad with genuine interest. He had stared at all the family portraits hung all over the house, head cocked to one side. He had found them bizarre. Finally he had looked at Ronan unnervingly, observed him, his eyebrows pushed into each other.-- _ Something on my face, Parrish _ ?-- _ Nothing _ \-- he had turned away 

Though Ronan's heart missed his parents’ cooking and dining table dinner, especially on Thanksgiving, It felt kinda nice to have Gansey and Adam here. Gansey had bailed on his sister to stay and spend it with him, he didn't like that but he was grateful. Adam had to have given up something to be here, he was doing it out of pity. 

Ronan had made a spectacle of himself yesterday, sad and sorry. So pathetic that Adam Parrish’s self-serving ass was here to give him company. Ronan didn't want either of their pity, it was worthless to him. 

Ronan's ever lingering anger that never left but came back in waves, ebbing and flowing they never stopped moving. Pushing and pulling, the rage could calm sea one minute and then it was tidal waves, out of his control destroying everything in its path.

He didn't mind Gansey and Adam being here, he just didn't like their reason and the warmth that their presence brought.

“Where are you going?” Gansey inquired when Ronan stood up.

Ronan smile was all knives, “Liquor cabinet.”

“Ronan,” Gansey said disapprovingly.

“Seriously?” Adam asked incredulously.

“Yes, seriously. You have a problem, Parrish?” Ronan challenged.

“You got drunk yesterday,” Adam insisted like it meant anything.

“So?”

“So, don't get drunk again.”

“Jesus, It's just wine,” he muttered. 

Adam settled. Gansey didn't.

He brought back a bottle of red wine. He drank the water in his glass and filled it to them brim with wine. He gestured to Adam and Gansey to help themselves. Adam didn't humor him.

“I prefer white,” Gansey said but poured himself a glass nevertheless.

“It tastes different in this glass,” Gansey observed. Ronan was still feeling the anger triggered by their company, so he didn't say anything.

Gansey started talking about his old friend in the UK. Ronan drifted in on himself sipping his drink, he didn't want to get too drunk to drive and leave his car here. Declan would ask a thousand questions.

“My scholarship at Aglionby is partial,” Adam said, responding to something Gansey had asked. Ronan's focus sharpened.

“I had already taken the test to be on the AP classes when I applied here. They offered a partial scholarship, I took it,” he continued.

Ronan looked at Gansey,  _ Is he really sharing shit with us?  _ He said with his eyes.

_ Don't ruin this moment for God's sake, Ronan!  _ Gansey replied in the same manner.

Adam looked straight at Ronan when he said, “That's why I work so much, to pay the difference.”

“What about your parents?” Ronan asked.

Adam shook his head, “Aglionby was my fantasy, it's all on me.”

“Do you  _ have _ parents? Tell me you're not actually homeless,” Ronan asked pleadingly.

“Ronan!” That was Gansey.

“I have parents. I'm not homeless.” Adam was wary but he was answering anyway. This must be because of their conversation a couple weeks ago. Gansey had opened up to him, Ronan had displayed his emotions drunkenly to him, now  _ he _ was opening up.

“The trailer park,” Ronan stated.

Adam looked away nodding.

“It's Thanksgiving. Why are you here and not with your parents?”

Gansey didn't chastise him this time, he was curious as well.

“They're out of tow--” he stopped. He took a deep breath in, it seemingly pained him to breathe, “They're not out of town. They're very much here. It's just--I...They don't celebrate anything.”

“Oh?” Gansey prompted.

Adam fell silent and Drew himself in. Ronan and Gansey were both holding their breaths waiting for-- for  _ something _ . Adam was unravelling and Ronan almost wanted to make him stop. It showed on his face and his entire body how he was fighting whatever he's about to say next. 

Adam fidgeted. He swallowed and raised his eyes to them. He looked at him and then Gansey, “My dad gave me those bruises.”

_ My dad gave me those bruises. _

He didn't have to clarify what he was talking about. Adam had shown up with bruises on his body a handful of times for them to notice and be worried.

Everything Ronan couldn't fathom before suddenly made sense to him. The dotted lines were joined, the curtains opened, puzzle pieces fit and stars became a constellation. 

Adam posture was all defense, tensed and coiled he looked seconds from sprinting. Ronan knew if he said the wrong thing it could get ugly. That would please him another time, but not right now. 

Not now when his heart is beating loudly. No one spoke for a long time, each feeling different emotions they didn't know they would because of that surprise admission.

“Adam--” Gansey asked, breath knocked out of his lungs. 

“Don't,” Adam warned.

Gansey, upset, said, “I don't-- _ why _ ?”

“Stop.”

“Adam, I'm--”

“Gansey,” Ronan interrupted him, “Don't.” 

The roles were reversed, Adam noticed it. He stood up, “Washroom.” is all he said before taking off into the hallway.

“Ronan,” Gansey said desperately.

Ronan stared at him. What was he to do? Adam would flip at anything from them. 

“Take him home,” Ronan said.

“What? Take him  _ home _ ? His  _ dad  _ beats him!” He whispered loudly.

“His curfew,” Ronan reminded.

“His cur--You think his father hits him if he's late? All those bruises--Jesus Ronan! Why--I don't--”

“Man, you'll just piss him off. Back off tonight, okay?”

“Why would anyone hurt their own child?” Gansey asked confused and devastated, “That's preposterous and cruel.”

“Gansey listen, when you told him about your NDE what did he tell you?”

“He just listened.”

“Then show him the same courtesy.”

“No I-”

“He finally revealed something of himself. Something big. It's Adam Parrish man, he is so fucking secretive and mysterious but he told us this. So just...don't bulldoze your way in.”

Gansey nodded, but it pained him to do so.

They awaited Adam's return, nervous and uncertain. It's unlikely he'd be crying. 

Him leaving was for their benefit than it had been for himself. They needed time to process, the piss break time wasn't sufficient to fully grasp what it means. 

Ronan is angrier than he had been. How often does Adam’s dad hit him? Were the bruises on his face the only bruises or did Adam hide the others. How long has this abuse been going on? How is his mentality and how he is coping with it. 

Is this why Adam is always on guard? Was he repressing emotions?  _ Repression.  _ Ronan's therapist made him understand he did that a lot.

Adam came back clear faced and wary. He was determined to stand just as he was ready to flee. 

“I need to get home,” he said.

“Are we not going to talk about it?” Gansey asked.

_ Damn him! _

“There's nothing more to add,” Adam said ever on guard.

“I'll take you home,” Ronan said, cutting off whatever Gansey was planning to say next.

“Drop me at Monmouth. I'll ride from there,” Adam said without refusing his help. 

Gansey shook himself accepting defeat, “No, Adam I'll take you.” 

Adam didn't offer to clear the table like he often did at Monmouth. He must really want to get the hell away from them both. Ronan knew the feeling. 

Ronan didn't go back to Monmouth that day. He didn't even want to drive, didn't want to taint that experience with the ugly truth he had learnt.

He went to the long barn where they stored old equipment, his dad's creations and abandoned toys in. 

He thought about Adam's bruises, his endless jobs and his outdated thrift shop clothes. He thought about tired eyes and ruined hands. He pictured a mean hand swinging a punch towards Adam's perfect face, Innocent and doe like in his imagination, Adam’s flinch--

Ronan threw a lamp against the far wall and watched it shatter, his mental imagery shattered with it. For every bad thought he broke one thing in the room until his chest was heaving and sweat dripped down his body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thinking of ways to bring in my dear Blue! And I do have an amazing idea that I think you guys would like. And I want Foxway to grace my work in someway and I also have a plan for that too.  
> Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

It was Wednesday. The air was cold, mist covered the road at dawn and refused to clear. Students were asked to be cautious while driving. Everyone at Aglionby layered themselves with thick coats and winter wear, Ronan was no exception.

The school heaters were in full blast although the hallways that were to outside were too cold to venture without woollen coats. 

Some incompetent idiot hasn't heated the Borden House beforehand, and Whelk was a sadistic fuck so they were in their Latin class still in winter ensemble, shivering and fidgeting to keep themselves warm as the ancient heaters started working ever so slowly. 

Ronan smirked unkindly at the Latin teacher whose teeth rattled as he tried to pronounce the new word he was trying to teach. 

“Asshole,” Adam Parrish muttered from beside him, blowing warm air into his hands. Ronan smirked at him too.

“Don't be shitty, Ronan,” Gansey said from the row before him. He didn't even turn around to catch Ronan's expression. 

Ronan blissfully wore his gloves while the rest of the class were gloveless, trying to copy the words Whelk was writing on the board onto their book. 

“Aren't you going to write?” Adam asked with envy.

“I'll copy yours later,” Ronan said, still smiling.

“ _ Asshole _ ,” he repeated.

Adam had been distant lately. Detached to everything his only attachment were to school and work. Almost like his burdens kept him afloat, and Ronan wondered how healthy this attachment really is. He was dreaming of a good life, while clutching so hard to everything that makes his life harder. Atleast from Ronan’s perspective all the things Adam prioritized seemed like a life wasted. 

The three boys had taken to sitting close together, the rest of the class had caught on pretty quickly and left the two chairs close to Adam unoccupied as he always arrived early. 

Gansey had been relentless lately, expecting Adam to talk more about his revelation on Thanksgiving night. Adam ignored him completely whenever he tried to broach the subject or was a stubborn pain in the ass.

“It is what it is, Gansey. Let it go “

“Adam, don't be like that. Come live with us, we have a spare room. I can--” he had offered.

“No.” His refusal had been firm. 

“Adam--”

“I said no.”

Gansey worried everytime Adam left and returned to his abusive household.

“His mother doesn't intervene, Ronan. She just lets him hit her son,” Gansey had said, pained.

Ronan stayed silent.

“I can't take this, it's all I can think about. How could I--”

“Gansey, this isn't about you. Don't say shit like that in front of Parrish. You'll just piss him off.”

“How could I stay silent? This isn't okay. Parents aren't supposed to hurt their children, Ronan. They nurture. They love.”

“Robert Parrish is a drunk fuck,” Ronan had muttered.

“That's no excuse.”

“No it isn't.”

“Should we report him?” 

Ronan had thought about it, about reporting Robert Parrish to CPS or the police. 

“Adam is smart. If he wanted that he would have done it already. Talk to him first,” Ronan advised already wincing at how that conversation might go. 

“How long has this been going on? Recently or spanned his entire childhood. That could cripple a child's mental well being.”

“It’s pretty fucking crippled alright. His mental well being is comatose. Talk to Adam about that, slowly. Don't keep hounding him to move out. He'd start regretting ever telling us,” Ronan said.

It was bizarre to him, how he had to be the voice of reason now. He wanted to drive to the trailer park and beat Adam's bastard of a father. Ronan didn't like how much it affected him to learn Adam was being hurt at home, somewhere he was supposed to feel safe. 

Gansey had settled down a bit, trying to get Adam to talk to him. He changed the subject if Adam was too reluctant to share anything. Adam tensed every time they brought his home situation up, pure fight or flight mode. He was mostly ashamed.

It became a fact, one of the things they knew about him. Adam Parrish was poor. Lived in a trailer with his abusive parents. He worked three jobs and paid for school himself. He took four AP classes, and studied like his life depended on it.

Ronan knew why Adam studied with such fervor, it was his only escape. He wanted to punch a wall. Or Adam's deadbeat father's fuck face. 

For now he glared daggers at the back of Whelk's head.

___

“How did you get to school?” Gansey asked a bikeless Adam in the parking lot.

“The bus. Too risky to bike that early, with the mist and all.”

“I can drop you,” Gansey offered.

Adam shook his head, “Gotta tutor Matthew today. I'll catch a ride with him and Declan.”

_ Hell no. _

“I'll take you,” Ronan interjected. Gansey gaped at him.

Adam's nose was red and cheeks flushed. Even in winter his tan remained while Gansey and Ronan were pale in comparison.

“You don't have to,” Adam said.

“I was going to the Barns anyway.”

Adam gaped along with his oldest friend, it's strange to see him be civil. Ronan rolled his eyes.

“We can all go with Declan,” Adam suggested like a shithead.

“Fuck no!” 

“Why do you hate him so much?” Adam having witnessed Ronan's hatred for his older brother asked.

Gansey chuckled, turning around to let himself into the Pig. 

Ronan walked towards his BMW, “He's an asshole.”

Adam followed waving off Gansey, “But so are you. What's the problem?”

“Stop being a nosy bastard and get in,” he grunted.

  
  


Ronan was in the kitchen fixing himself something to eat. Matthew had barged in a couple minutes ago, stolen the sandwiches he had made for himself and ran away before he could catch the sneaky bastard. 

He wondered if Adam's hungry. He'd probably refuse whatever he offered.

Declan came into the kitchen while he was spreading peanut butter on the last slice of bread. 

“Ronan,” he said, his brother's name like a statement.

“Jesus Christ! You don't have to greet me with my fucking name everytime you see me.”

Declan huffed and reached for a sandwich. Ronan hit his hand with a butter knife.

“Ouch! Asshole,” Declan cradled his hand to his chest. Well, Ronan may or may not have hit him hard.

Declan went to the fridge and took out a salad box and shook it for a solid minute. He then dumped it into a bowl and sat next to Ronan, an empty seat between them. They both ate in silence. 

There were faded superhero stickers on one edge of the island countertop. Ronan had stuck them on when he was going through his superhero phase when he was younger. His mother had punished him with housework for that but never removed them. The sticker had faded but the marble still gleamed.

Ronan washed the plate in the sink he had once been too short to reach. 

“I saw the state of the long barn,” Declan said conversationally.

“And?”

“I assume you were planning to clean it up…”

“Nope.”

“Well, I'll call someone over then. Clean out the place. Throw all the junk away.”

“Screw you! They're not junk,” Ronan snarled.

“Well you certainly have thought so, destroying half of them without thought,” Declan countered.

“I only broke my pieces. Dad's are still in pristine condition.”

“Pristine condition!” Declan scoffed, “They're all covered in a foot layer of dust. The rats have nibbled away his wooden sculptures from bottom up. The moon in the Eclipse project has corroded, now it looks like a death star.”

Ronan's heart sank. He hadn't noticed it 

“I’ll check them out.”

Declan waited.

“Fine, fucker. I'll clean my mess too.”

“Oh please do,” Declan said wiping the bowl dry.

_ What a condescending bastard. _

Ronan rummaged the larder and the refrigerator and found some granola bars. He dropped a few at the dining table for Adam.

“I ate all the bread. Eat these atrocities Declan calls food.”

Matthew belched, “They taste like sand.”

“Gee, then thank you,” Adam sassed.

“Whatever. Find me in the long barn after you're done.”

Adam nodded, tearing open a bar without a fight. Ronan watched him bite into it and chew, waiting for comment.

“It is not so bad.”

Matthew shoved a bag of chocolate covered pretzels at him, “Please, Adam. Eat these.”

Ronan left them to it.

The long barn was where Ronan and his dad worked on their creations. It had a vast storehouse, a sunlit room to paint and sculpt and a tool shed.

The carpentry tools were kept in the smaller building adjacent to the long barn.

Ronan and Niall used to spend hours there, creating. They had even planned to build a toilet so they won't have to go out to the main house. Mom had threatened them with a skewer, so they had ditched their plans.

Niall would throw in an idea, Ronan would add more to it and they'd go back and forth planning the project. They'd illustrate their vision on paper and start building. 

His father had majored in Arts and had taught him everything he knew. To paint, sculpt, mold and woodwork. Dad hardly ever got to finish half of what he started, he would have to travel again for work.

Niall had been an art curator. He procured artifacts, rare art pieces and auctioned them off to the highest bidder. He had sold a horrendously orange glassware set to Gansey's mother once for a ridiculously high price. The set was still on display at the Gansey Manor. 

Ronan usually finished up Niall's unfinished projects. Sometimes they'd sell them at exhibitions or fairs. Sometimes they'd store them in the storage shed to collect dust. 

The barn was cold, he switched the heaters on and they whirred and groaned but still worked.

Dad’s paintings were all over the walls in the barn, clumped together to fit them all on display. They were all covered in dust. Ronan took them down first, he'd have to carefully clean them. His father rarely ever varnished his pieces. Ronan would be the last person to talk ill about his father but in retrospect he decides he procrastinated a lot.

Ronan was anal about finishing up every project he starts. It had resulted in fewer art pieces a year than his father but at least they were complete. 

Ronan was good at realistic art. His dad just liked to see how colors mended together on a canvas.

Ronan had stopped creating after his parents’ accident that took them away. Too angry to even dream he had just stopped. What was he to create when his dreams were nightmares of burning flesh and car crashes. He didn't find inspiration in them. 

Ronan cleared out everything he had destroyed and put them in garbage bags, easily filling five of them to the brim. He carried the unbroken ones to the painting room to wipe off the dust. He swept the floor and removed cobwebs off the ceiling. 

By the time he was done the storage space was devoid of everything. He decided to clean the painting and sculptures another day. He showered in the house. Adam was waiting in the den, watching Matthew lose repeatedly in a video game.

Ronan handed him a can of coke, he refused. Ronan shrugged and chugged it down. 

“What happened to your hands?” Adam asked.

Ronan looked at the bloody scratches in his hands. He had got them trying to move his father's pin structure. “Disgruntled cactus.”

“Okay.”

It seemed like whenever he came to the Barns he was working on his parents hobbies in some way. Their ghosts were in every room, every corner. 

__

“The plants in your mother's garden, they're still alive. In winter,” Adam asked when they were driving back to Henrietta.

“They're winter plants.”

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

Ronan pulled over a few feet away from the trailer park. Adam didn't get down. Ronan cut the engine. Adam still didn't get down. 

Ronan looked at Adam on his right, fidgeting, like he often did when he couldn't decide what to say.

Ronan paused the loud music that was playing “Parrish,” he called. 

Adam tapped his wrist twice before raising his head to face him. 

It was dark outside, a little after nine, the street lights were far away and the lights in the trailer park were lit in the distance. Adam's face glowed blue inside the car, reflecting the stereo display. 

“A brake failure killed your parents,” Adam said. It wasn't a question, nor was it a statement. It was a conversation starter. Ronan had not been expecting that, he frowned at Adam, eyebrows sharp like two swords displayed on a wall. 

“You said that night--”

“I know what I said.”

“The brake failure could have been your fault--” Adam began.

“Fuck you,” Ronan said dangerously.

Adam shook off the warning in his tone and barreled on, “Not servicing it, it's one reason. But the failure could have been caused by many other things too. The parking brake module service in the car may have malfunctioned.

“Air gap between braking surface and parking brake friction could have been too high,” Adam listed off, “The brake loses its power when they overheat and they develop hot spots, it could have been the cause. Calipers, drums and brake pads. Sometimes brakes fail despite attentive care.”

Ronan stared at Adam, his chest felt tight and his heart raced. He settled back on his seat, looked out the window on his side, obscuring his face from view. He wasn't certain his features could lie when he felt bared open.

"Ronan," Adam said. Ronan didn't turn or respond.

“It could have been your fault, but it also easily couldn't have. Though probability is higher only on  _ one _ side,” Adam concluded raising one finger.

Still Ronan didn't say anything. They sat there silently for a few endless minutes. He wondered what Adam was waiting for. 

“Get out, Parrish,” Ronan finally broke the silence. 

Adam exhaled, “Okay.”

He didn't knock the roof of the BMW, like he usually did. He slung his bag one one shoulder and walked away, not turning back once. 

Ronan turned back towards Monmouth, he needed to drive. He gripped the steering wheel tight, felt the leather squeak beneath his grip. He rolled down the windows pressed down on the gas.

Just when Ronan had decided he had fully formed an idea of what a person Adam Parrish was, he goes and bulldozes his stubbornly constructed judgement.

Doesn't Adam get that Ronan  _ needs  _ him to be undesirable? Selfish and reserved, he was supposed to be two dimensional. Someone you see on TV, the paper or a badly written book.

Now Adam has shown he  _ cared _ , some modicum amount he did. Enough to listen to his drunken rambling and store it in his vast brain storage filled with things he considered important. He had cared enough to possibly research brake failures.

Ronan's heart beat slowed, but thrummed giddily with knowledge he didn't welcome. His treacherous heart ran wild with ideas while his brain tried to stomp on them. 

Tonight his heart was just too strong, he gave his brain a rest. All the negativity up there are probably looking at each other confused. Ronan Lynch letting his heart take the reins, what a wonder it was.

He wanted his parents’ death to be something explainable, something that would make sense. Why did it have to happen for no reason, on a random day with both his parents in the car. It wasn't fair. It was too mundane, his parents were anything but. It wasn't what happened in fairytales, that wasn't the end the protagonists got in a story.

Ronan knew he wasn't  _ directly _ responsible for his parents’ death. He needed to blame someone, he needed to be a part of his parents’ last moment somehow. 

Maybe he should let go of the story where his father was the hero and his mother the heroine. Maybe he should, for the first time play the hero in  _ his  _ story. If not the hero then the main character, someone with his own story to tell, things to experience, medals to win and kingdoms to conquer. 

Gansey was a thick book of experiences, places he's been to, the people he's met and befriended. He wasn't one to be a lone hero, he surrounded himself with comrades to share his pages with. He had his own story.

Adam had always known his story. He had planned the end, he outlined the chapters and whispered the synopsis in his head while he worked, walked and breathed. He was working himself to death to meet the goals on time, to end every chapter with a full stop. So, when at last he came to the final page of his life, he could end it with  _ 'He lived happily ever after.’  _

Adam with his endless homework and jobs hadn't isolated himself. He had made friends, he spent his precious time entertaining Gansey's wild pursuits. Ronan understood it more clearly after Adam's revelation at Thanksgiving. Adam needed it, some kind of normalcy in his hectic life. Something he did for the present Adam and not the planned future. 

His friends were a work in progress. They were living. They were working towards greatness, filling the pages with stories to tell.

What was Ronan Lynch? A pen hovering over the paper. A text forever blinking, waiting for input. 

Ronan decided to close the book about his parents, it had ended with them. He didn't need to read it again, he knew it by heart. 

It was time he wrote his own. It was time he created something that he hadn't discussed with his father first. It was time he painted something that wasn't inspired by others. It was time he became his own person. 

Adam wasn't the reason for Ronan's sudden enlightenment, but he sure had triggered it. His parents’ death wasn't his fault. Their story wasn't his to force himself into, he had played a part in it but he could not be the one writing. Their time had come and they were gone. They had  _ lived.  _ Truly lived.

Ronan could be gone the next second and he wouldn't have lived before his end. He understood Gansey's urgency to live.  _ Excelsior!  _ Onward and upward.

Ronan slowed his car down, he put his hand out and felt the breeze. He smiled even as tears fell, he hoped his parents caught it and they were proud. 

He stopped by at Walmart. He needed supplies to create. 

The pen began to write.

**BONUS**

Ronan painted all night and little into the day. Finally he stood before his painting of fire and smoke. A Raven dark as a starless night, wings outstretched, a car crashing against it's chest and fire blazing from within. Hues of red, orange, yellow and pinks and purple emerges from the crash. Smoke builds up and disappears into the black night. The raven's beak is open, as if in pain. Like Ronan is in pain.

Ronan hasn't put the brush down. He breathed heavily, still emotionally painting all that's unsaid. He was tired and his bones ached but not more than the ache in his chest, burning just as the raven's. He let tears fall thinking of the crash and the screams that haunted his nightmares. 

He was letting go.

He dipped the brush in black plant and covered the burning car. He stopped himself before covering the burning heart of the mighty bird. He found he liked the blaze. He thought of its power and magnificence and how alive the raven must feel. 

He wanted to feel that alive, he wanted the fire to be what's keeping him alive instead of burning him down. 

He stood back and took it all in, a raven crying no longer in pain but in liberation. It’s eyes were terrible and in its beak was a war cry. 

He put his brush down and collapsed onto the floor. He could still create just as well as before.

He was going to be alright.

“Fuck!” he let out a watery laughter. 

Gansey knocked on Ronan's door a moment later, “Ronan? You okay in there?”

“I'm on fire,” he breathed.

“Pardon?”

“I'm on motherfucking fire!” he yelled, ecstatic.

Another set of footsteps halted beside Gansey’s. 

“Should we call help?” Noah asked half worried.

“Call the goddamn fire department,” he laughed. 

“He's drunk,” Gansey stated.

“Yep,” Noah agreed, “Or lost it.”

“Why not both? I think it's both,” Gansey said.

“Yes, of course,” Noah said in a British accent, “Why not?”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been struggling with chapter 11 and fitting Kavinsky into all this. Kavinsky played a huge role in Dream Thieves and I don't want to just push him aside without getting as much use from him as I can. I mean my character arcs aren't that great and it feels like I'm forcing change on them. And I'm telling everything I don't know how to show!!!!  
> I'm frustrated.  
> Y'all send good vibes my way <3


	9. Chapter Nine

"You could always tell when a person is interested in you by their body language," Ronan's mother had told Declan when he hadn't been sure if a girl liked him back.

"If she keeps glancing at you, holding eye contact longer than necessary, seek you out in a group, she probably has a crush on you. She will constantly touch you or stand close to you. She'll be awkward around you, try to impress you," Aurora had pinched Declan's cheek, "It means she likes your company."

At the end of Mom's speech Declan had declared the girl completely uninterested in him. Aurora had laughed, "She might still go out with you if you ask," she gestured at herself haughtily, "Dad said no to all of this the first time too. I had to buy four of his paintings and make his first show a sell out for him to even consider dating me." 

Declan had asked the girl out, they had even dated for over a month.

Ronan reminded himself of what his mother said every time he hung out with Adam Parrish. Not so he could gauge if Adam has a crush on him, he knows he doesn't. If Adam accidentally saw past school and his multiple jobs, rivers would dry up and crops would die. 

Ronan carefully fakes nonchalance so he could hide his own unwelcome infatuation. 

Ronan had noticed himself slipping many times, gazing too long, teasing Adam for no reason, antagonizing him and all the other middle school crush things. He doesn't even like Adam Parrish all that much for Christ sake.

This constant effort of always being aware of how he's acting was exhausting. He takes it out on the subject of his frustration by picking fights with Adam anytime he can. 

They were in the Monmouth living room/Gansey's bedroom. Gansey had gone for dinner with Helen, Gansey's college graduated sister. Ronan was absent mindedly sketching Gansey's mint plants while also keeping an eye on Adam.

Adam and Noah were measuring the width of the window that stretches one side of the entire building. 

"Feet or Meters?" Noah asked Adam from one end.

Adam sighed. "Feet," he replied from the other.

"Are you sure? Because this side says Meters" 

Adam stared at Noah and slowly said, "The top scale is in Feet and Inches. The bottom is in Meters and Centimeters."

"That explains it!" Noah exclaimed.

Adam stared more, "You're the interior designer. It's your measuring tape."

"Don't be a smartass," Noah waved him off, "Now let's measure in meters. It's standard, right?"

Adam shook his head, "The website says 'fixed price per foot'. It's easier if you measure it in feet."

"What if I want to measure it in meters?" Noah insisted.

Adam's patience was running thin, he tugged the tape from Noah's hand but Noah held tight, smirking. Adam looked at Ronan, he went back to sketching like he wasn't watching them.

Adam sighed again, "Fine. Measure it in meters. I can convert it to feet."

"Yeah?" Noah challenged, "Quick math, convert this 115 meters to feets."

"This is 115 ft. Plural of foot is feet. 115 feet is 35.05 meters."

"420 meters to feet, go," Noah prompted.

Agam rolled his eyes and two seconds later Adam answered, "1377.95 feet."

"That's impressive."

"I could be lying."

"But you're not."

Adam shrugged,"Just multiplication."

"I said it's impressive."

"Okay."

Noah shook his head, "Geez, learn to take a compliment."

Adam carried Gansey's chair to the windows and climbed on top. Noah held the tape roll from below as Adam reached up to measure from the height of the window. 

His t-shirt rode up, showing a sliver of his stomach. Ronan's own stomach did a quick flip. He ducked down immediately in shame of seeing naked skin and his own reaction to it. The motion made him knock off the mug on the arm rest of the setty and it shattered on the ground. 

"Holy shit!" Adam and Noah jumped.

Ronan slung his feet down and stood up carefully avoiding the shards. He was barefoot.

"Don't move," Adam warned, getting down the chair.

"I'll get the broom," Noah left to retrieve it.

Thank God it was empty, Ronan thought as they cleaned up the floor. As he was dumping the ceramic into the dustbin in the kitchen he heard Noah suddenly exclaim dramatically from the living room, "Oh Ronan! You sly dog! Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular---"

Ronan gritted his teeth. It had taken him three weeks to be comfortable enough to draw in company. His artistic muscles needed some exercise, he had unearthed all his old supplies and sketchbooks and gotten to creating. 

All his other sketchbooks were in his bedroom, the one Noah probably was looking at was his plant sketch book.

If had been painful to open a clean page to draw the mint plants. The drawing he had done last had been of a plant in his mom's garden. 

Ronan hurried into the living room. He didn't catch Adam's eyes but he felt them on him.

"These are great Ronan! You're better than me," Noah admitted in admiration.

Ronan rubbed his shaved head, his fingers twitching slightly as Noah poured over the pages.

Adam, noticing his discomfort, asked, "Can I?"

"Oh sorry, Ro. I couldn't help myself," Noah said sheepishly.

Ronan looked at Adam and shrugged. He watched him and Noah look over the pages. Ronan thought if Adam said something basic like 'I can't even draw stick figures' or 'Did you draw this' he is tearing that book off his hands.

Noah was telling Adam the names of all the plants Ronan had drawn.

"These are really in detail," Adam said impressed. He probably thought Ronan was completely useless. Ronan realized he was pleased that Adam was impressed and scowled at himself.

Looking at Adam now his mind flashed to the sliver of skin he had seen. He was yet again filled with shame. 

"That's enough," he pulled from Noah's grip. 

"You two mathematicians figure out measurement. I'm out," He grabbed his supplies and left the room quickly.

He locked his bedroom door, Noah had the habit of barging in, zero self-preservation. Inside the privacy of his bedroom he paced.

He can no longer run from this, the farther he ran the faster it caught up to him. His skin felt stretched out and clammy, his hands shook and he fisted them tightly.

These unbidden thoughts haunted his reality and his dreams leaving him unsettled. Adam wasn't stupid, he would catch on quickly if Ronan wasn't careful. 

He didn't even have his mom to talk to her about this, hear her soft voice talk him through this. He decided to go for a drive.

The baby raven he had bought himself last week screeched at the sudden intrusion. He had found him at a pet shot. It wasn't your regular pet shot. No, this one seemed to cater to witches, it sold illegal snakes, chameleons, baby alligators and other strange animals. He had stopped when he had seen the advert for ravens outside. The creepy as fuck guy had tried to sell him a fully grown bird but he had wanted the baby raven. He had paid the guy with the painting of raven he had made. It had seemed fitting, a raven for another. He had placed him on the seat next to him and driven them to Monmouth.

“No,” Gansey had said as soon as he'd seen the bird.

“Yes,” Ronan had replied firmly.

“I'm not ready to co-parent. I'm too young,” Gansey had said in a dramatic display of dismay.

“Count me out. I can't even look after myself,” Noah had said coming to take a closer look at the raven tucked in his arm.

“You sure it's a raven? Looks like a crow to me,” Noah had said.

“It's a raven,” Ronan had replied firmly.

“Didn't know you were such an ornithologist,” Gansey had mused.

“A fuck what now? I just googled it, J.Crew,” Ronan had said grimacing at Gansey’s choice of attire. 

“We can't have a bird here. What if it dies of nature deprivation?” Gansey asked.

“I'll take care of it. I'm not caging him,” Ronan had said.

“How do you know it's a him?” Noah had asked.

“I fucking googled it, Jesus!” 

Gansey had started to protest again and Ronan held his hand out asking him to stop.

“He's the gift I got for myself for my birthday,” Ronan had said which immediately shut Gansey up because Ronan had refused to celebrate his birthday last week. 

Adam seeing the bird for the first time had just said, “Okay, you have a bird now.”

“He named it Chainsaw,” Noah had supplied.

“Of course he named it Chainsaw. What other name could he have possibly given it?” Adam had said with a smile playing on his lips.

Ronan’s phone beeped informing him it was feeding time. He picked up the bird feed and got to work. By the time he made it back Adam was gone and Gansey had returned. Adam's bike was by the stairs.

"He left the bike. Did he walk home?" Ronan asked an exhausted Gansey incredulously. It was too cold outside to just walk several miles to the trailer park. Ronan didn't have to give a name to the person in question, only Parrish's stubborn ass would attempt to walk home in winter. 

Adam Parrish, who was thoroughly practical, the logical thinker of the group, sane decision maker, was also impractically and insanely reckless when it came to his pride.

"Noah took him home, it was on his way. Where were you?" Gansey asked.

"Around. Helen left?"

"Yup, thank God."

Gansey was seated on the armchair, with his glasses on; he looked about fifty years older than his seventeen. Ronan sat on the couch. After a while Gansey added tentatively, "I have to go home for Christmas."

"Okay."

"I won't be here with you--"

Ronan snorted, "I don't need you or your store bought Christmas special chow chow to keep me company while I wallow in self pity."

"It's the holidays and you always get-"

"No I don't."

"You don't lie, Ronan. Don't start. I don't want to go home anyway--"

"You're going."

"I--"

"Listen, I'm not going to get shitfaced again," Ronan said. He had done more than just get drunk that Thanksgiving but he knows Gansey wouldn't bring that up. "And I don't think my parents' death is my fault."

Gansey looked at him imploringly. Ronan wondered if Adam ever told Gansey about what he'd told him. 

Ronan continued, "Many other reasons could have caused the brake failure that isn't connected to my failing to service the car. The parking brake module service in the car could have fucked up. Brake friction could have been too high or too low. 

"The brakes may sometimes develop hot spots, it could have been the cause. Calipers, drums and brake pads. So many things could have gone wrong despite attentive care, Gansey."

"What? I'm not the one that is accusing you!"

Ronan rolled his eyes, "See? I'm good. Go be a douchebag at the masquerade of a Christmas party. All that shiny teeth and champagne breath." He shuddered dramatically.

Gansey retreated into himself, he would get this furrow between his eyebrows when his mind wandered. Ronan stretched his legs on the couch, he's slowly and steadily becoming a couch potato. He ran his palm along the soft material of the seat.

Gansey finally looked at Ronan, "Are you really all right or are you only saying that to get rid of me?"

Ronan threw a throw pillow at and stood up, "I don't blame myself but I still miss them, Dick. I'm not going to stop missing them."

"I know."

"Do you? Because you seem to think if you're around enough I'll stop missing them."

Gansey rushed to his side, "Jesus, Ronan. That statement was wholly incorrect. I don't want you to spend Christmas alone. If you say you'd spend it with your brothers I won't bother you. But if you're going to be holed up in your room then…"

"I'm going to the Mass with them. And I'm not going to be moping in bed."

Gansey smiled, proud and happy. In his oldest friend's pride Ronan found himself appreciating himself. 

Gansey pulled him into a hug, "I'm glad you're okay."

Ronan punched him in the stomach lightly to get away from his embrace.

"Ronan, you're welcome to go with me."

Ronan laughed,"No, thank you."

"I invited Adam and he agreed to come" Gansey used Adam as the bargaining chip. Ronan stiffened.

"You two go sing kumbaya together in the Gansey mansion. Fancy posers," he muttered, "I'm staying right here."

"Think about it, you have till Christmas."

"No."

Gansey shrugged and that was that.

  
  


It was only ten when Ronan parked at the clearing Kavinsky threw parties in. Only a few people were present, most of Kavinsky's lot and some local high school kids. 

Kavinsky’s car was parked in the middle of all the revelry. The sides of the car and the hood was spray painted on. A fire breathing albino dragon with massive horns and colorful crystals lining its spine. It was a wicked and intricate work, almost like the work was done with careless precision was maintained while creating the gradients. He looked at Kavinsky leaning by his car and found the gravity painted car fit him, lean and wicked and promising the worst. 

Ronan would never spray paint the BMW but he understood why one would want to make a statement, he had his tattooed back to speak for him.

"Ronan Lynch," Kavinsky hollered.

Ronan didn't turn towards him, just leaned against the BMW and faced away from the crowd until Kavinsky reached him. 

"Hope you brought the substance 'cause it was in the invitation," Kavinsky said.

"If you're not up for racing I'm out."

"Hey, hey, hey. Easy. Not even a drink?" Kavinsky asked jovially.

"And do what? Small talk? Weather is shit."

Kavinsky leaned against the car beside him. "Your dick left town?" Kavinsky asked, looking down suggestively at Ronan's crotch. 

Ronan stared blankly at him. 

Kavinsky laughed. Ronan was running out of patience. He turned to leave. 

"Hey! You sought me out, princess. Why don't you stay a while? I can get you all kinds of high."

"From here, round the Harley bend and end at the mile marker where you crashed," Ronan said.

Kavinsky studied him for a moment. His eyes were dark and clear Ronan couldn't believe he was actually sober. 

"What do I get when I win?" Kavinsky asked. 

"I'm winning."

Kavinsky laughed again, it was tinged with a bit of insanity and humor. Ronan wondered the kind of drugs he must have taken to be high and alert. 

"I've run out of sunglasses, fangirl. I get your leather bracelets when I win."

"If," Ronan corrected him.

He wondered if Kavinsky had the wrong misconception that they were flirting. Him taking his sunglasses and Kavinsky trying to get his bracelets was somehow not the same thing. He'd be lying if he said he felt no excitement at racing when the stakes were losing his bracelets to Kavinsky.

They raced with no fanfare, because Ronan refused to waste time, he realized Kavinsky was trying with a little more determination than he allowed himself in normal days. Which meant Ronan had to think smartly to win, not just let his instincts take over. A few times Kavinsky had been ahead of Ronan, which had his blood pumping. Ronan actually smiled when he won.

Ronan parked exactly where Kavinsky had crashed last year and Kavinsky parked in the middle of the road. They were alone. 

"Guess I'm keeping my bracelets," Ronan said when he got down.

Kavinsky got out of the Evo and threw a set of leather bracelets at Ronan, he caught them. They were exact replicas of what he was wearing, sans the bite marks. Ronan frowned at the precision.

"You're impressed, I can tell," Kavinsky said.

Ronan put the bracelets in the back pocket of his jeans. 

Kavinsky held his stare for a long moment. Ronan didn't flinch away when Kavinsky's grin turned sly and ugly. Kavinsky stepped closer, Ronan didn't back away. They were uncomfortably close.

Kavinsky reached behind Ronan as if to grope his ass. He only took out the bracelets Ronan just put in, smirking. 

"Winner gets the bracelets," Ronan stated.

"I said 'I get your bracelets if I win, you never set a prize before the race bitchboy."

Ronan held back an eye roll and shrugged carelessly. 

"I do have other things to offer," Kavinsky said suggestively. 

Kavinsky pulled him by his jacket collar and Ronan spun them around and slammed Kavinsky against the passenger side of the Mitsubishi, "No."

"I know your secret. Don't think I don't know," Kavinsky said from below Ronan.

Ronan tensed slightly and he knew Kavinsky felt it. 

Ronan was pressed up against Kavinsky, looking into his wild eyes. Kavinsky licked his lips. Ronan stepped back and when Kavinsky followed, pushed him back with his index finger warningly. 

"Come on, Lynch. You still pining after Daddy Dick?"

Ronan's heart was beating fast. He had held on to his secret for so long he felt unsteady. He always thought he'd deny if someone found out but now he didn't deny it, he was not a liar. He refused to lie.

His father had been a liar, the best at his art. He lied when selling collected artifacts, the buyers bought his lie along with the questionable art. Niall had the face of an honest man, earnest and handsome, spinning lies in between truths and weaving truths out of lies. Ronan loved and hated his father's lies. Maybe it didn't rain blood and rivers didn't dry up when Ronan was born but he loved the lie anyway. Maybe Ronan believed his father when promised to come home one day but didn't and he hated that he was lied to. 

Ronan had nothing of his own. Everything was given to him by his father. His hair, his face, his car, his art and his whole identity was Niall's gifts for him. Niall Lynch had given him everything he had. The only thing his father Ronan knew could never give him was honesty. Ronan had made that for himself. His truthfulness was his. Just the way Gansey was his. 

Kavinsky put the imitation bracelets on, one by one. 

"You know he's never going for you right? Gansey is straight as fuck, dude," Kavinsky mocked.

"Stay away," Ronan ground out.

"You're not denying it," he mouthed the derogatory word that rhymes with Maggot. Ronan had to smile at the irony.

Kavinsky took that as an incentive to step closer. Ronan turned around and walked towards the BMW. 

"Fine!" Kavinsky called out, "But your crush on Dick Three is pathetic."

He got into the car and slammed the door. Kavinsky came over and leaned in through the window, his beer breath was warm against Ronan's cheek when he said, "Kavinsky senior had three rides delivered to the house. All top model. 0 to 60 in three seconds. Porsche, Mustang and a Lambo." He somehow made it sound dirty.

Ronan was highly intrigued. And unnerved by Kavinsky's scent that he was undeniably boy.

"Let that be the prize for your victory. Let's take 'em on a joy ride, baby!" Kavinsky rasped joyfully.

"You're drunk."

"I had one beer."

"You're high."

"I was born high, Lynch. My mother made sure of it "

Ronan thought for a while. His brain warned him no and it sounded like Gansey. And even Adam crossed his mind, looking disapprovingly at him. He almost refused but then realized he had been careful since Thanksgiving. Trying to prove to Adam he was not a fuck up. And for what? Not like his feelings are going to be reciprocated. Not like Adam would ever give him the time of day. Not like he needed Adam's approval.

He looked at Kavinsky, skinny and savage in his white tank top and ripped jeans. Chains around his neck and wrists, looking ghostly in the night light. Inviting Ronan for some reckless endeavor for kicks. Kavinsky was everything Adam wasn't.

Turning put their lips closer in proximity, Kavinsky glanced at Ronan's and Ronan couldn't help but glance back.

Ronan thought if he wanted to kiss Kavinsky, he could. He decided he didn't. Ronan Lynch was like Aurora at heart, hopelessly romantic. He was not interested in kissing if it meant nothing. Kissing Kavinsky wouldn't mean anything.

He turned to look through the windshield before Kavinsky could lean in. "Let's go," he said. 

Kavinsky smirked and Ronan wanted to put his fist through his mouth. Kavinsky punched his roof twice which reminded him of Adam, only Adam was gentle. He didn't like that Kavinsky did it. 

When they drove to Kavinsky's house, Kavinsky speeding away ahead of him as he followed, Ronan drove to shed Adam's presence from his mind. 

____

Adam wasn't going with Gansey to the annual Gansey Christmas party. He hadn't come to Monmouth after that evening measuring windows. 

They were worried and rightfully so. If Gansey went missing it meant he was caught up in his research or something academic and lost track of time, if Ronan went missing he probably didn't want to be found, drunk somewhere or racing. Noah was never missing, he was always there in presence or by text, letting them know where he was and when he'll be back. 

Adam was in a different situation. He may not have a schedule on when he'd be at Monmouth but he did when it came to school and his jobs. Adam hadn't shown up to school or Monmouth in a few days and it worried them. 

Because when Adam went missing it meant Robert Parrish was in play. Ronan and Gansey shared looks in their shared Latin class clearly aware of the empty desk. 

"Where do you think he is?" Gansey asked him after school. Ronan shrugged.

"He was to come to Monmouth on Sunday, his bike is still there," Gansey stated. Ronan made a sound of agreement.

"He hates missing school. Two days in a row, Ronan. Something must be wrong."

They reached their cars morosely after school.

"I phoned his house," Gansey admitted regretfully.

Ronan drew in a breath, "Please tell me you didn't." 

"I did."

"Mary shit fuck, Gansey. He told you not to."

"Unless it was an emergency. He's missing three days and that counts as an emergency," Gansey reasoned.

"No it doesn't. When he said emergencies, he probably meant you bleeding to death, the world's end, not doing his homework or some shit," Ronan shook his head.

"What was i supposed to do?" Gansey asked hysterically, "He could be really hurt."

Ronan was reminded of how fucked up Adam's life was. "Jesus Christ," he said slowly.

"His dad has a gun."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he muttered, "You think he'd use it?"

They don't usually say it, Adam's home situation was something that was not discussed openly. It was like a dark cloud hovering over them. They are not allowed to interfere, offer help or talk about it. Some days it's all Ronan could think about. 

"He punches his son's face in, Ronan. You tell me."

Ronan didn't respond, he got into his car. Gansey still stood outside, worrying his lips between his thumb and index finger.

"Dick," Ronan prompted.

"I'm going to his house."

"The last time you went his father emptied his cylinders at you."

It was true, the first time Gansey had gone looking for Adam his father had been so offended by his car he had opened fire. Gansey had driven away faster than one could say 'Soft rich fuck'. Since then he meets Adam in the road outside the trailer park.

"I am going. His father mustn't be home," Gansey said firmly.

"Your funeral," he told him and drove off alone. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried. 

Adam still had to tutor Matthew tomorrow, he wasn't sure if he'd show up at least to that. It was Christmas break next week.

Gansey returned to Monmouth that evening with Adam in tow. 

Ronan was sitting on the armchair doodling ideas for a painting. Once he started creating he found it hard to stop. He was always working on something every waking moment and in his sleep. 

He stopped shading when he saw Adam. His cheekbone was badly bruised, colorful in comparison to the rest of his fine boned face. He seemed to walk weird and absent-mindedly touched his ribs, Ronan's attention narrowed in on that.

Ronan had been calm, lost in a dream, sketching out a cave opening in a forest covered by Vines and flowers. The next moment he was anything but calm and the dreams soon leaked away leaving him with the urge to destroy.

Adam, Ronan could tell was wary to be here. He had come for Gansey's sake. Noah made space for him on the couch by putting his legs down. Adam sat on the couch meeting no one's eyes.

Though Adam was not unharmed, Gansey looked much more relaxed than he had been, Adam was in his sights now and not in his wildest anxious thoughts.

"Adam," Noah said after a while, "you should report him."

"You told him?" Adam asked Gansey and Ronan quietly.

"They didn't. I figured it out myself."

Adam shook his head, physically tired as he was mentally, "I'm not going to report him. Leave it alone."

"Why not?" asked Gansey.

"You wouldn't understand."

If Adam had been any less exhausted he would have resisted with more fire. He was a doused flame slumped on the couch and Ronan wanted to light him up again. And then everyone in that trailer park, for being purposefully blind.

"Explain it to me then," Gansey pleaded.

"I report him. Then what?"

"You leave," Gansey said firmly.

"Gansey, where would I go?" Adam's voice was thin, breaking, "Into foster care? There's mom. There's school. You think I don't think about leaving? That's all I think about every waking minute, Gansey. Leave and never come back." Adam shook his head, "I don't have enough saved up right now to do anything. I need more--"

Gansey interrupted, "Move here, Adam. With me."

"If I'm moving out of the trailer it would be by myself or not at all."

"This again," Gansey muttered.

"Yes, this. My answer will be the same no matter how many times you ask. Let it go," Adam turned away from them, jaw clenched.

"Let me teach you to fight, Parrish," Ronan spoke up for the first time.

Adam snorted incredulously.

"Seriously, let me teach you how to kick his ass."

Even Gansey looked at him funny, but Ronan didn't offer to teach for joke. He was done seeing Adam with bruises, his father having his way.

"No, thank you," Adam declined. 

"Why not?" Noah asked.

Adam didn't answer.

"Why not?" Ronan repeated more forcefully.

Adam stood up abruptly, "Because then I'd be just like him. Violent and angry. I don't want to be like him."

"It's self defense. You only need to know the basics to defend yourself," Ronan tried.

"It'll only make him more angry," Adam said in his Henrietta accent. "I came to get my bike. I should get going."

"Adam, wait--"

Adam took his bag by the coffee table and slung it over his shoulder and strode to the door.

"Adam! I have all your homework," Gansey said hurriedly.

That halted Adam in his steps. He had missed classes in the two days he had been absent. Of course, Adam would stay for homework.

Adam sighed, "Can I have them?"

"You can do it here. I won't disturb you, just stay."

"Gansey, it's not--I'm just--," Adam's tensed shoulders slumped again. "I don't want to talk about it."

Gansey nodded.

Ronan wasn't angry; he was really sad for Adam and when it came to Ronan, they meant the same thing. Ronan's sadness was rage and anger was the norm. He still remembered the time he felt the two emotions less than the others. Joy and serenity had always been with him, he saw them in his older paintings. 

What of Adam though? He was working himself to bone. He looked at joy suspiciously, like a thing that could be snatched away the next moment. Maybe, in his life that was the case. Waking day after day to work and more work, so he'd achieve his dreams. Maybe then he'll finally be happy. 

Did Adam even know what pure joy felt like? Weightless and airy. Laughter and smiles. Hair blowing in the wind and hands up in the air. Had Adam ever felt any of these freely? 

Adam was slowly cracking right in front of their eyes and they were powerless to do anything. 

Adam sat on Gansey's desk and went through his school work. Gansey worked on his model Henrietta made of juice boxes and other cardboards he had taken to making during sleepless nights. Noah retreated into his room. Ronan had locked himself in his room for a couple hours, listening to music to clear his head. He was now back again on the floor by the couch, sketching a statue he found in one of Gansey's history books.

They worked in silence.

"You took notes in Latin?" Adam asked Ronan after a while.

"Maybe," Ronan said but didn't offer.

"Gansey?" 

"I didn't go to Latin class, I had to helped Cheng with something."

Adam stretched his arms and yawned, "I guess I'll have to ask Caruthers then."

Yeah, Tad fucking Caruthers, Ronan thought bitterly. 

"I'm ordering sandwiches! Do y'all have requests?" Noah yelled from in his room.

"We have left overs," said Gansey, probably thinking about the pizzas from the day before.

"Huh?" Noah yelled again.

Gansey grimaced, he put down the glue gun and walked to Noah's room, "We have left over pizza and some nuggets."

Noah mumbled something ingelble. 

"Adam are you staying for dinner?" Gansey asked. They all know he wouldn't. Thanksgiving day had been a fluke Gansey had falsely thought was going to last. He was stupid when it came to Adam as Adam was when it came to money.

"No, actually. I have to leave in fifteen minutes."

"Oh, okay."

Ronan rolled his eyes. He went into the kitchen to heat up some dinner and ate in his room, offering none to Adam.

His eyes fell on his notebooks spilling out of his back pack. He took the Latin book out, he looked at it for a long moment before going out into the living room and threw it at the desk Adam was working on. Adam stared at the book.

Adam's lips twitched slightly, "Thank you," he said.

Ronan headed back into his room and didn't come out until after Adam had left.

Then he and Gansey sat by the model Henrietta on the floor and worked silently. They were thinking of Adam, that particular worry line on Gansey's forehead was reserved for Adam only. Noah joined the Insomniac Club sometimes but tonight left them alone. 

"Orange juice?" Gansey asked.

"Empty carton," he replied. 

Gansey sighed.

"There's mango juice."

Gansey rubbed his eyes, "That's Adam's."

Ronan snorted.

"He accepted a glass once, you know."

"Sure, Dick."

Gansey sighed.

"You wanna--" Gansey started just as Ronan said, "Let's go to--"

They both drove to the supermarket.

…

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Kavinsky? And this chapter? Please let me know <3


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